American Psycho 2: Patrick Bateman Is Shamed…

I am glad to hear the author of American Psycho, Bret Easton Ellis, disowned this film. This film is trash. Being a gigantic fan of Mary Harron’s American Psycho, I went into this one knowing it wasn’t going to be as good as the first. But I had to idea how bad this was going to be. I was in for 90 minutes of comedic pain. This movie does in fact shame Patrick Bateman and his legacy.

So what should I say about this movie? Well, Mila Kunis is average. I’ve never expected much out of her from any film, so I’m never disappointed. Oh well… As for playing the

Wow, threatening…

psychotic main character who will ironically do anything to get into Quantico for criminal profiling? Oh how funny that is… When you see a movie and William Shatner is a better actor than a lot of the other people? That’s emotionally disturbing.

The plot. Rachel Newman (Mila Kunis) is taken on a special date with her babysitter. It’s Patrick Bateman, and you can bet it’s not Christian Bale. They got a toolish looking Cro-Magnon man to take the role of his stunt double or some shit. Rachel stabs him and this is the point that she decides she wants to kill other serial killers. What a rational and normal turning point for a 12 year old child. Let me also remind you the terror and gore in this movie is below par. Below humanly realistic levels. It’s SyFy $2,000 budget cheesy. Sickening in itself.

Giving the best actor in the film a back rub…

Now at a prestigious psychology school, Rachel plans to do anything to get to be Prof. Starkman’s (William Shatner) teaching assistant. She has 3 other competitors, so what do you think she does? Obviously asks them out to a diplomatic dinner or lets her grades do the talking. No, she kills them. Blandly. Thus becoming what she wanted to fight. How sad.

With a constantly running inner dialogue and cliche puns and lines, Mila Kunis attempts to embody a emotionless corpse. She accomplishes the emotionless thing. She’s not that good of an actress. She just looks good on camera. There’s a constant soundtrack overpowering the movie with some lighthearted

Thanks to whoever made this picture.

Lifetime channel “I’m beating my wife and it’s a dark secret” soundtrack. It’s awful, ruining any chance of a proper slasher scene.

There is no semblance of reality in a film that claims the opposite of American Psycho 1. First of all, I can’t call this American Psycho 2, so I’ll call this Psycho B.S. : The Movie No One Should See. Good running title. The police are terrible with missing person’s reports. The bumble around and allow Mila Kunis to kill in broad daylight. She chokes out this dude with a condom. How many B.S. flags do I need to raise? She leaves dead bodies lying around and has a rotting corpse in her closet. She would’ve been caught after attempting the first one. She’s in a COLLEGE DORM. There are people everywhere who would figure something is up. Everyone in this film is stupid.

Damn straight.

But what can I expect from a movie directed by Morgan J. Freeman. He’s the dude creating/directing all the 16 and Pregnant episodes. He’s perpetuating a idea that it’s cool to get pregnant in high school to be on T.V. Those girls don’t need attention, they need to be placed in boxes. That show is a what not to do when it comes to sex or anything of the sort when it comes to living. I don’t feel bad for them or Freeman’s work. It’s all shit.

Basically, don’t watch this movie. It is a travesty to American Psycho and horror movies everywhere. Case closed. 0 out of 10.

Bowling For Columbine

In one of the only documentaries that I respect of Michael Moore’s, Moore investigates the gun culture that takes America by storm. Looking at it from the angle of the Columbine High School Shooting, Moore suggests that the gun nuts of America and the way in which we perceive the 2nd Amendment is basically bonkers. Anyone can get a gun and they’re not always used for self defense or hunting. From the get go, you know where Michael Moore is coming from, and pretty much this whole documentary ain’t pretty.

Named after the fact that Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold went out bowling the morning before they tragically went wrong, Bowling for Columbine takes us to the ten pins. After some frightening images here and there, Michael Moore can never seem to help

A frightening image of a man.

attacking the administrations in power (more often Republican than Democrat) and the wrong things they always do (never the right). With a documentary such as this that tackles everything related to and around guns, Michael Moore correctly attempts to narrow down the cause for all the gun violence in America.

He compares the U.S. to other countries, examines what other people have blamed for gun violence, and brings it all crashing down on Charlton Heston, head of the NRA. In what I thought was his best

Let me just scare Charlton Heston into saying he’s sorry. Will that help?

segment of the documentary, Michael Moore allowed Marilyn Manson to defend himself with a wider audience than he may get otherwise. (Not to say he doesn’t, he’s an amazingly talented and magnetic performer.) Manson proves himself to be an intelligent and understanding person (contrary to the images and rants against him) and shows that compassion and listening may have helped the shooting and others around the world.

But I stop here for a moment to acknowledge information that has come to my attention. Thanks Wikipedia, although you may be wrong some of the times, you bring things to light I never knew. In the

Marilyn Manson, a wonderfully talented man and artist.

criticisms of Michael Moore’s documentary, he is annihilated. Some of it may have been by conservatives who believe in the right to bear arms, but a lot of it is coming from those he wronged in the film and otherwise. He was wrong about Lockheed and the particular plant he went to. He was wrong about the violence rates and some of the causes. And he ambushed Charlton Heston (as I felt he did) and inaccurately portrayed Trey Parker by associating him with the cartoon he showed minutes after.

Here’s where most people should come up against a brick wall with Michael Moore. He’s fat. He’s gross. These two aspects of his outer appearance would frighten most people he would talk to or try to approach. (I can understand that police officer wandering off when Michael Moore complained about the Hollywood sign. He had better things to do.) When listening to him talk and seeing the way he presents himself, it almost appears that he has a mental disorder. No joke. The way he holds himself in his documentaries gives a lot of people pissed off impressions of him. And sometimes rightly so.

One of the more well done parts with Moore helping out victims of Columbine.

Because it didn’t just stop here. He goes on to make 4 MORE DOCUMENTARIES ATTACKING THE REPUBLICAN ADMINISTRATION. At this point, he has turned into a huge gargantuan baby who is fed up with the system. He whines and puts up his yellow police tape and carries his bag around crying for money for the people. His head got bigger than it should have after the success of his first few documentaries and he thought that was a green light for as much more as he wanted to make. For shame.

So although I liked the idea and parts of this documentary, when Michale Moore puts his name on something, expect the huge range of bias he’s bringing to the table. Don’t take everything at face value. Because although in this very documentary, Michael Moore says that America has a state of fear going on, he is

Well deserved? You be the judge.

perpetuating it and stirring things up more by showing us why we should be afraid and not other things like invigorated to fight or do something. Damn it, Michael Moore, show some class. And that’s my rant. Bowling for Columbine, 6.1 out of 10. Michael Moore as of today, a whiny baby 0 out of 10.

Black Swan: I Kinda Laughed.

People may get pissed off at me for this one. I… laughed quite a bit at Black Swan. It wasn’t a bad movie overall, but the things I found strange or wrong with this movie made me laugh out loud, kinda like watching a dark comedy. Although this movie wasn’t a comedy. Oh well, it can’t be helped. I hope Natalie Portman never sees this post and hates me for the rest of eternity if some infinitesimal chance allows me to meet her. Let’s just keep this post a secret.

What a beautiful pout. Still in love with her since I was 9.

So this is a movie about the ballet Swan Lake. The twist? The ballet she is performing is Swan Lake and she is living out the events of Swan Lake. Oh the twist! Other than the WTF middle section of the film, yeah, it follows it pretty closely. Prince has party, Prince meets White Swan, fall in love, Black Swan tricks Prince, Prince and White Swan commit suicide for love. The end. I think it’s the liberties that Darren Aronofsky took at assuming ballet is synonymous with sex. I would sayyyyyyy… No. That is an artistic leap and assumption I wouldn’t necessarily associate.

So… plot now. Nina Sayers (Natalie Portman) is an up and coming ballerina at her dance studio. She’s nice and quiet and just hopes to make a bigger name for herself. And then her dance director Mr. French McCreepy Bastard, Thomas Leroy (Vincent Cassel) announces they’ll be having a Swan Lake run at their production company. He, like every other pompous director who thinks they’re a visionary, says they’ll be doing it differently than ever before. I guess he was going for more rape and sexy. Alright there Leroy, that’s your own choice.

Ah yes, the creepy mother.

Nina begs for the position and gets mouth fondled by Cassel, because for some reason in 2011, it’s still shocking for a director/boss to take advantage of his cast/employees. With all that said and done, Nina takes on the lead role of the White and Black Swan. From this point on comes some “messed up” and thriller like elements that push the boundaries of what’s real and what’s not. The arty version of The Matrix, if you will. And don’t call me sexist or naive or ignorant at this point. People can have their opinions about a film, negative or not. I can say these ignorant things because from what I’ve seen of the hundreds of movies I’ve seen before, this movie isn’t necessarily anything impressive in the way of

Vincent Cassel, crossing toolish lines since… this movie.

groundbreaking. It seems more important for me, at this point, to say how disappointed I was with this film. Because, as serious and mentally disturbing as it was supposed to be, I still laughed.

Should I talk about my problems with this film? Let’s go. I knew there was going to be a conflict when Nina’s mother Erica (Barbara Hershey) flips out. She’s bought Nina this nice big cake for getting the part and Nina simply says no, I can’t eat right now, my stomache is upset. Reasonable reason right? “Well that’s fine, don’t have any.” The music becomes serious and tension filled, she heads towards the can with the cake. A simple pleading no from Nina and you see the smile instantly and bizarrely  return to her face. I laughed. Hard. Yes, this was supposed to point out the stressed and overprotective relationship that sparks Nina’s problems in the film. But it was campishly delivered and I enjoyed it. For any Tim and Eric fans out there, this scene may tickle your fancy.

I wanted to put this next to the word “lesbian”.

All the lesbian/finger banging scenes in this film feel out of place. That’s probably because I don’t make an automatic connection in my mind between ballet and sex. For me, ballet in particular, is a purist sport. It has a set amount of moves that allow you to express a gamut of emotions. Other forms of dance, sure, why not? There’s sex everywhere at a high school dance. Just not with ballet. Nina is exploring her sexuality and, for the whole film, until she said it, I thought she was 18, maybe 21 at most. Living with her mother threw off my radar on her age and calling her Mommy (with her room and clothing choices) I assumed 18. Why would a 28 year old dancer be attempting to get big in dance? Her prime is gone. Error right there.

I disliked Vincent Cassel in this movie. I think you’re supposed to. To the extent I did, maybe was a bit extreme. Not death threat level, I’m talking more ruined any scene he was in for me. As a sex icon in the movie? Didn’t really believe it. Mila Kunis though? She was her normal, old relaxed That 70’s Show self in this one. Typical Mila out for a good time, who just happens to be a diabolical dancer. I did love

You made this movie better Winona.

Natalie Portman’s performance in the film. She did have to do a lot of things you never typically see her do in this film. And I was IN LOVE with Winona Ryder’s performance in this film. The fallen dancer and raging spurned lover? That was a convincing and devastating performance for her.

Let the weird begin.

Other than that, I don’t really wanna shit on this movie too much. I just didn’t like it. It wasn’t my cup of tea. I do see how this movie didn’t beat The King’s Speech for best film. It was too edgy for the Oscar community. But it was a well done film itself. The cinematography was jarring and uncommon, something I just can’t stand. Watch this movie again and see if the still shots outweigh the fluid and nauseating moving shots. You’d be surprised. The acting for the most part is what you would expect from a movie with Oscar buzz and all that good stuff. Just not my film. And because I’m the one rating for my own interest, I have to give this movie a 4 out of 10.