Tag Archives: billion dollars

Marvel’s The Avengers

In this culmination of the Iron Man, Thor, Captain America, and Hulk series of movies comes The Avenger’s movie, produced by Marvel and Disney Studios. Okay, let’s be realistic about how much I know or care about the Marvel series and any of its connected works. There’s very little. I never really read  comic books when I was younger, other than Ghost Rider and Spawn. I always had a thing for the darker characters and (other than Ghost Rider) not a lot of Marvel characters caught my interest that much. So I was apathetic as to the plight of the superheroes in this movie. Didn’t mean I wasn’t converted into a huge fan in less than 2 hours. This movie alone makes me wanna go back and watch all the others, just to know what went down.

Now it’s not that I’m completely ignorant of the superhero world. I love Batman (not so much these latest installments that showcase Christopher Nolan as the be all end all of Batman with his same cast from every movie that he loves so much)

Lookin’ good there, Evans.

and Spiderman (again, why are they making another one in less than 5 years of the last one? Yes, it may be “more true” to a comic, but Sam Raimi doesn’t need to be spit in the face. My favorite director doesn’t need to be shown up for no damn reason.) and Ghost Rider (we don’t need to get into the whole Nicholas Cage issue, just read my blog on the second movie). I followed the Blade films and even checked out a Hulk or two. I was a kid once, and cartoons are all about superheroes.

The Hulk. Become a fan.

Which, I find, comes at a fault. To realistically shape and morph comic superheroes into people and set them in a different medium is a bit weird to me. You got these groups of superheroes coming together and nobody finds it odd or strange in a modern society that all of this is coming up out of sci-fi fantasy make believe. To depict these dark characters for what is considered to be something that children collect and watch and slap a PG-13 rating on it so the younger kids who like this stuff can’t see it? It seems strange to me. If my little 5 year old cousin can’t see The Avengers and he loves Iron Man, what kind of a situation is that? Yes, there are those comics geared towards an older audience, but you’re still appealing to something meant for those who are younger. Just something to think about.

Enough of my rant about the paradox that is comics and comic book movies. The Avengers is a particular story that has been in the making for a while now. All of these movies were put out in anticipation of one film that would unite all these superheroes in a huge clash of good versus evil. I can tell you though, I have

Some egos clash right here.

no idea who the bad guys were or what their purpose was in coming to Earth other than to destroy it. Nothing gained, a planet destroyed I guess. But you bring together all these clashing egos and you have yourself a more dynamic and interesting squad than the Justice League or any other huge star superhero teams out there.

Go on and use those “superpowers” guys…

Meanwhile, at some underground base that S.H.I.E.L.D. runs…

Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) has heard some terrible news about this source of power/reactor thing that is going to change the world, known as the Tesseract. Talk about throwbacks to Madeline L’Engle and A Wrinkle in Time. Loki (Tom Hiddelston) transports from this sinister looking purple planet and steals away Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner) and this scientist, Erik Selvig (Stellen Skarsgard). They plan to use the Tesseract for some nefarious deeds, and take down Thor and all the other superheroes who have done them wrong. Loki has a score to settle with his brother and he is seeking revenge through some freaky deaky alien people.

So Nick Fury decides its time to assemble the team. He gets Captain America (Chris Evans) who was frozen in some ice in the ocean from way back when. There’s Tony Stark, AKA Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr.) who has been working on some new energy sources and Hulk (Mark Ruffalo) who has been helping sick Indian children before he’s picked up by Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson). Rounding out the team is Thor (Chris Hemsworth), come to find his brother and stop him. With these ultimate superheroes (and those like Black Widow and Hawkeye who really aren’t anything special thrown in) comes ego clashing, fights on an epic scale, and one of the coolest final battles shot in Cleveland and made to look like NYC that you’ll ever see.

Looks like Cleveland to me…

I didn’t have a lot of problems with this film. Overall, it set out what it wanted to do, entertain and tell the story of the Avengers, and make as much money as possible off of the series. I mean, a BILLION DOLLARS?!?! That’s pretty redonkulous. The dialogue wasn’t too bad and cheesy like a stuffed Ritz or anything, although Samuel L. Jackson got the short end of the stick in this movie. He was really bad in comparison to everyone else. He came off as incompetent and not a hardass at all. For shame Samuel L., for shame. I really enjoyed Mark Ruffalo’s acting in this movie as The Hulk. He was witty and laid back enough to believe that he was truly holding back a beast. And when he finally let out all that anger, I instantly became a Hulk fan. On the spot when he punched that alien dirigible thing in the face.

Thanks for this one Joss Whedon. Not so much Nick Fury over there…

There were some stunning visual effects in the film and some free flowing action. Unlike other movies that have a lot of cheesy comedy for the fans, this movie was far different than those. This movie has some good humor for a bit of an older audience. And every character has their own comedic scene. This movie is a pretty good balance of comedy, violence, and full throttle action. At no point in the film was I bored, and that’s a good achievement for a 2+ hour film. And a setup for a sequel? I wouldn’t mind that at all. If it’s still in theaters (and at the time of posting, it is) go check this out. It’s got a good range for a film that a lot people will find fun and exciting. So suit up and join The Avengers, it’s a cinematic ride you don’t wanna miss. A solid 8.5 out of 10, perfectly good action/superhero movie.

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Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie

After seeing this trailer for Tim and Eric’s new movie, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom in order to clean the boxers I had just soiled. Having watched every single episode of Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job! countless times, I had to see this the second I could get my hands on it. And I did. And it was great. But I’ll need more than just that to review a classic T&E production properly.

In this movie, a simple plot is simple. Tim and Eric, after revamping their images in the most bizarre of ways, spend a billion dollars in making a box office hit. That is about 5 minutes long. It’s one shot along a Paris street of a man in a suit of diamonds. Diamond Jim. Played by Johnny Depps. And all he has to say is “Bonjour.” He delivers the biggest of diamond rings (being Diamond Jim, Bonjour.) to a lovely waitress and the movie ends. (The credit roll reminds me of the days when I used to take credit for everything I did in my home movies…)

The lights pick up and a garishly and horrifically dressed Tim and Eric turn around in their movie seats to see Tommy Schlaaang in his Schlaaang Recliner (stirrups up and being used) in classic Cinco fashion, disgusted with their production. And seeing as they spent all the money he gave them on diamonds and things for themselves, they have to find some way to make a billion dollars. So what do they think they’ll do? Revitalize a mall.

Hi, Hi, Hi, I'm Chef Goldblum

Oh how the hi-jinks begin. Upon finding this mall in Historic Swallow Valley, they find Damien Weebs (Will Ferrell) in the back office. Sitting there in utter despair, Weebs has no idea how to push his failing mall onto some unsuspecting suckers. Until Tim and Eric fall for the aptly placed commercial in a bar bathroom. After a watch and a rewatch of Top Gun, Weebs is finally ready to turn over his mall. I honestly thought (even if it wasn’t) it was a great stab at the failed use of repetition in Family Guy. With Taquito (John C. Reilly) as their guide, the pair must vanquish a Pizza Court wolf and a handful of vagrants.

This is where the conventional plot is derailed. From here we have Reggie and his son Jeffrey (Matt O’Toole and Noah Spencer) and Tim’s obsession with Jeffrey. He even cuckolds (incorrect usage but whatevs) Reggie into giving up his son to Tim.

So what'd you think?

Righteous. And then Eric meets the love of his life, Katie (Twink Kaplan). There’s some betrayal and one of the strangest sex acts I’ve ever seen in a film, followed by one of the most graphic diarrhea scenes ever recorded. This movie has it all. As well as an explosive ending.

There were complaints in the reception as far as length. With a show that started off on Adult Swim as a 10 minute sketch comedy, this movie was 9 times that. It is almost an entire season’s length in one sitting. And this left people hanging and at times bored with the slow

Are you ready to enter the Shrim?

chugging along of the same plot at great length. I can say the same for myself. It’s not that I have ADHD or ADD, but this movie tried my patience at times. Without the freedom to jump around to whatever they felt like, it left certain parts as plot and others as pure comedy sketches. The transition between the two cut short some laughs.

Other than that, this movie hit home to millions (I hope there’s millions…) of T&EASGJ! fans all over the… planet (?) It had the characters you love from past episodes (James Quall and David Liebe Hart) and reformed actors into characters you grew to love (Will Forte and John C. Reilly). It doesn’t disappoint and delivers a decent bit more than the trailer suggested (i.e. Ray Wise returns as Dr. Doone Struts with SHRIM.). All in all you have to love the effort and the delivery Tim and Eric give to their fans of all things alternative comedy. It’s a wonderful thing. In comparison to the show, this deserves a 7.1 out of 10.

Oh, how niiiiiceee.