Lock, Stock, And Two Smoking Barrels

I gotta tell ya, if you didn’t already know this about me, I love British films. I’ve watched the casts in British T.V., films, and American movies alike, starring alongside other big name actors. They crush their lines with timing and precision, they hold an air of Shakespearean flair, and

The Lock and Stock gang (not actual name).

they got the whole suave, posh thing goin’ on. I gotta hand it to Jason Statham, he’s a godawful muscle man stunt actor in American films, but he fits right in when the rest of the cast is from the U.K. And Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels is this perfect case when it comes to that. A flavorful British cast with a renowned British director in one of his first film debuts, Guy Ritchie. Let the guns fly and the villains die.

Always out for a pint.

That’s basically what this movie is. Although there’s not really any big hero vs. villain gun fights or anything (you can’t tell the heroes from the villains anyway. Why would you want to?) you love the situation and the feel of the movie. It seems like everyone in the film has got a mouth on them, and they all speak the crime lingo. Everyone’s out for themselves with the big payday, and this movie has a big payday indeed.

The movie starts out with Bacon (Jason Statham) a two-bit swindler who speaks easy and cons you out of your money. Selling less than par jewelry, he and Eddy the Card Shark (Nick Moran) run through the streets of London after they’ve been had. Meanwhile, Tom (Jason

Talk about your smoking barrels…

Flemyng) is finishing his last deal with Nick “The Greek” (Stephen Marcus). He’s the brash leader of the group. Then there’s Soap (Dexter Fletcher), the straight walking saucier chef of the bunch. They all bring together 100,000 pounds for Eddy to play with versus Harry “The Hatchet” (P.H. Moriarty). After being forced into a loan and some shady dealings with some cameras and Morse code, Eddy loses and all four of the guys have to pay back 500,000 pounds. Oh no.

Cage match. For keeps.

With no means of being able to pay Harry back, the gang decides to drop in on a fellow gang’s robbery idea, stealing from the thieves. With a domino effect of a plot ensuing, you’ll never see the ending coming (or will you?). I personally was very satisfied with this film. Considered one of those “classic films” you should probably see before you die, I do agree. It is. It has a witty cast and a great vibe to it that just reeks of British gangster (as it should. They’re pretty ballin’.)

I want to spend a bit more time on that ballin’ cast I was talkin’ about. I already said Jason Statham, familiar with his feet set on the other side of the pond (not in America, obviously). There’s Nick Moran, who is someone I’ve seen occasionally in small roles, but after seeing this, I think he is destined for bigger and better things.

You bald buffoon.

Jason Flemyng is one of those actors I love seeing (besides his classic role and Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in The League of Extraordinary Gentelmen), and I can’t get enough of his versatility. It was nice to see Dexter Fletcher without gray hair (he plays Nathan’s dad in the British T.V. show, Misfits) and his character is worth a few laughs. And I have to admit that I found P.H. Moriarty to be a pretty nefarious gang boss in this one. He played Gurney Halleck in the Dune series movies for cryin’ out loud! And there’s Vinnie Jones, the former club soccer player in England. Ever since he did this movie, he’s been poppin’ up all over the place. More power to him.

I’m the Juggernaut, female dog.

I loved the plot of this film. I don’t know if I can speak highly enough of it. It has at least 6 moving parties in the film (even some bumbling idiots you wouldn’t expect to do much), and everyone gets in a whole lotta shenanigans by the end. It’s not very often you see such complicated plots like this with such a great amount of dialogue that is pulled off so well. Leave it to the British to do that.

Combine all this with a solid soundtrack, colorful references and

Let’s get it poppin’.

language and a dialect all its own, and you have a crime film that defines the late 1990’s (even into the 2000’s). I’m just sorry I hadn’t seen this earlier. It kicked my ass, and left me wanting to see some other crime flicks. Looks like Revolver and RocknRolla are up now on my list of things to watch. 8.8 out of 10.

Misfits Series 3

We know that everyone who watches this series misses Nathan. It’s true, Robert Sheehan was the standout star of this show, really bringing down the house with his no holds barred comedy and wise  cracking. Hell, I miss him more than anything. So much so, that I didn’t watch the third series until now. My grieving was great, but it was time to figure out who gets what new powers in this series.

Amazingly enough, this series doesn’t ease old viewers in with the typical start you’d think of the old characters reuniting. This series hits you off kilter at first with Joseph Gilgun who plays Rudy, the psychologically ripped apart sociopath with two personalities. So what do you think his power is? Who would’ve guessed?

Now, Joseph Gilgun is kinda meant to replace Nathan. His character Rudy is, for lack of a better word, rude, and insensitive. He never

Look! They’re all friends!

apologizes and is always looking for the next shag. Often confused and slow, this hides his sensitive side that never wants to be hurt. He is a good replacement. I have to say it. I enjoyed Gilgun just as much as I enjoyed Sheehan’s wisecracking. They’re both sexually ignorant and rude, and they both have this immaculate sense of timing. I was impressed, so give him a chance, you lot of Nathan lovers out there.

Some serious stuff going down this series…

From there we hit the ground running. Everyone has their new powers all lined up in a row, Alisha can do this, and Curtis can do that, and Simon has his own thing going on. Kelly, well, she’s just Kelly. (And she has become a Hell of a lot funnier.) Out of community service, it just so happens that Rudy stumbles upon them, befriends them, and steals a car, getting them all back into community service as accessories to the crime.

From here, the show features 8 episodes, most focusing around Simon’s destiny with the past and Alisha. Some focus around Rudy and his new spice he brings to the group, and, in a surprise twist, some focuses around Seth (Matthew McNulty) the drug dealer turned power swapper. There’s some juicy gossip there I can’t get into, but you’ll see soon enough. I also have to mention this before I forget, but, if while watching this show, you feel Rudy talks and acts like a comic version of Christian Bale (skinny of course, and lanky…) then let me know via comment.

A bigger part this series?

As with every season of Misfits, I am more and more impressed with the show. It has such great characters that you grow with and hope for the best for. The comedy is spot on and there’s even more geeky references to movies and pop culture in this season! The sex is toned down and the relationships between the characters have improved. Nobody hates each other as much as they used to, and you can see the friendships growing. There’s not even that much gripe about Rudy joining the group. The ending is bittersweet and I have no idea what they’re gonna do next season.

Here’s why. Kelly (Lauren Socha) is leaving for personal reasons. Her character wasn’t properly sent off or anything so I have no idea what’s happening there. Simon (Iwan Rheon) and Alisha (Antonia Thomas) were properly sent off, and each of them made the appropriately professional and separate choice to leave the show. They had a great run and this is what you come to expect from British T.V. Curtis (Nathan Stewart-Jarrett) is staying on, which I found a surprise. This leave Rudy (Gilgun) and Curtis on the show currently. They are only seeking out another female, and two male roles. Looks like the makings of a sausage fest.

They have made strides in who they have picked for the new series though. It has been confirmed that three new

You’ll be sorely missed Lauren. I will always adore you.

characters named Jess, Finn and Alex. Jess will be played by Karla Crome will play Jess. From the pictures I’ve just looked up on Google (she hasn’t done anything I’ve seen) she should be a good, darker character addition to the show (and I don’t mean skin color, the pics online show her to be a femme fatale). Finn was confirmed as Nathan McMullen, the goofy and nice kid. They have one pic of this kid online over and over, and he looks like a sweet, curly headed kid. Guess he fits the part. These kids are so young these days…

So I hope everyone is ready for a hell of a good time with Series 3, and looking forward to Series 4. I know I am, and I’m gonna give Series 3 a good rating that it deserves. Not the same as Series 1 or 2, but something different and good all the same. 9 out of 10.

Centurion: “I will not yield!”

Neil Marshall has done it again! As the director of one of my favorite horror movies, The Descent, I had to check out this director’s 5th attempt at directing. After taking a peek on IMDB at Marshall’s other directing attempts, I saw another two movies I found were right up Marshall’s alley when it comes to genre and style, Doomsday and Dog Soldiers. The movie posters alone look like movies I would gladly see. (I had heard of Doomsday before, it’s shown a lot on FX, definitely going to check it out now.) This movie doesn’t disappoint and it gives one of those quick in and out glimpses into the world of the Romans during a time of war. If I had to say it, which I will (I mean come on, there are 2 actors in this movie who were major players in 300) this movie is on some sort of level with Gerard Butler and his 300.

But what I liked about it? It wasn’t Gerard Butler. Come on, you have to give it up for how creatively mind bending 300 was. I love Zack Snyder. Plain and simple. 300 brought a new meal to the table. But yeah, this movie wasn’t quite 300 at all. It was almost a 300 meets Gladiator fusion. Quite spectacular. Instead of Butler, we have one of the new and upcoming British actors, Michael Fassbender. This guy is putting in the work and getting

Michael Fassbender

great results (and I’m not talking about his abs in 300). He’s done quite a few British T.V. shows and made his big break with 300. (He was that guy that cut off the emissary’s arm and told that fool they would fight in the shade.) Inglorious Basterds (I’ll give it to you Tarantino, this one time…) and Jane Eyre, this guy has range. And most excitingly, he will be playing Magneto in this summers sure to be masterful hit, X-Men: First Class. I expect good things from this guy.

Other notable appearances in this film? Dominic West, of course. Another 300 familiar, this guy was the traitor. But still, he was great. I loved his alter ego in Meet the Spartans, Traitoro. Dominic West has done some good work

Ah, Traitoro

as well, and I feel that as a fellow British actor to Michael Fassbender, he will go great things one day. He’s done wonderful things on The Wire, and he did one of my favorite guest appearances in my favorite part of the Hannibal Lecter series, Hannibal Rising as Inspector Popil. He has quite the list (Palace Guard in Phantom Menace???) and should keep strong for years to come.

Also, what I like about movies like this? Neil Marshall can get together a rag-tag group of virtually not well known actors, and still make a badass film. Noel Clarke (one of the Doctor’s helpers on Dr. Who) plays Macros, the slave turned athlete who really just runs the entire movie. JJ Feild (recurring British T.V. period piece actor) as Thax, one of my favorite characters in this film. David Morrissey (character actor who seems to switch between

A rag-tag, cantankerous crew

American and British film) as Bothos, the slightly obese centurion who’s that one loyal friend, but not that ridiculous. I mean, the list goes on. But that’s what really appealed to me about The Descent. It brought together a handful of unknown actresses and turned out to be a really well made film.

Complaints. Okay, there are quite a few archers in this film. And you know what happens? Everyone of them can aim for someone’s head and hit them directly, no hesitation, no mercy. This is a bit ridiculous. I find it hard to believe that every archer in this film is Robin Hood. But to each his own. It still made for pretty amazing gore throughout the film that was just nonstop. One whole scene about 20 minutes in is just literally unheard of. Another thing, I have never heard the “f” word so much in a period piece film like this. It is out of place. Distasteful right there.

Everything else about this movie? Great. It had great cinematography and looked like it took cues from The Lord of the Rings in its overhead helicopter shots of men dashing across snowy mountains. (Pretty sure this was shot in New Zealand.) The locales were quite spectacular although you couldn’t really place what was going on. If I related it in plot to any movie, it would’ve definitely been a mirror image of The Descent. Actually, the more I think about it, it’s like a cookie cutter version of The Descent, just different time and characters. Wow. If Neil Marshall does this again though, I might not be so forgiving. You can’t hope to make 3 identical plot movies and think people won’t notice. But taking Centurion as its own tour de force of mayhem and devastation in the time of the legion and Rome, it really does not yield. 7.7 out of 10.