Phone: A Movie by Toilet Pictures

I think the production company says it all when it comes to describing where this movie belongs. The second the Toilet Pictures logo flashed up on the screen, I knew this movie was, in fact, going to be a big piece of poop. But wait! There was one good aspect to the movie! Other than that it was crap. But let me explain…

Phone is a movie about a young journalist named Ji-won. She let loose the floodgates on some sexual predators and is seeking refuge away from the limelight. She moves

Some scary images, not much though…

into her sister and her husband’s second home (rich right?) and lives there until things die down. She changes her number to the only one that the telephone company could get for her (998-6644 or something…) and lives in solitude. But she is still getting these calls from stalkers. And then some inhuman voice of a woman being tortured. Scary, right?

Am I Kawaii desu?

From this point, Ji-won is on a mission to discover who had the number before her and what happened to them. What happens implicates a lot of people in this love affair/ murder plot that gets a little too complicated for a movie storyline. And that’s where the film lost me.

The acting… wasn’t that bad. I feel bad now looking up the woman who played Ji-won, Ha Ji-won (why didn’t they change her name?) and

This girl is a game changer.

realizing she’s an acclaimed actress in South Korea and was nominated for her performance in this film. She wasn’t bad, but I don’t think any of the actors in this movie grasped the entire concept of supernatural horror film in this one.

But there is a little girl who understood what it was to be in a horror movie. Eun Seo-woo did. Playing the adorable niece of Ji-won, Yeong-ju, Eun Seo-woo was a dynamo in this movie. She was always cute, but she delivered such a mature performance when she was possessed in the film that I was actually surprised and chilled. Her character develops an Electra complex and falls in love with her dad,

An nyoung? (That’s hello in Korean.)

and she does it so well. And she’s like 6 or 7 and saying “Shit” onscreen! Her performance deserved an Oscar or award or something, because I fell in love with her and her combination of comedic terror in the movie. It was wonderful.

The rest of the film was average. There were some scary moments but nothing to severe. The Grudge-like long black hair always gets me but that was about it. It didn’t go anywhere horror movies haven’t gone, and was almost tame enough for a thriller film. It had the twist of a thriller film, which I appreciated, but wasn’t dark enough to seal the deal. I’ll give a nice try to Ahn Byeong-ki and Toilet Pictures, but you may wanna change the production company name… It throws out the wrong signals. 5.2 out of 10.

Immortals: My First 3D Experience

If you ever feel like having a stick of dynamite stuffed in your ear and detonated, see this movie. It won’t just blow your mind, it will blow your head off. From the same producers that brought you 300, here comes a slightly updated version. Based on the mythology of Theseus and the gods, comes an epic tale of one man versus a league of Hyperion’s horde. Combine the zero to hero life of Hercules with Theseus’ humble peasant background and subtract 299 troops and you have Immortals. Here’s the drawback to my plan. I saw this the day it came out and I was pumped. My birthday movie (Nov. 12th) and The 11.11.11 date release was epic. But… it was only in 3-D. Major crisis could not be averted.

And here is where I gripe about 3-D. There are logical reasons that Hollywood won’t acknowledge about the flaws of 3-D because of how much money it is unfortunately raking in. First of all, coming from generations upon generations (basically back to the 1900’s) who have enjoyed and watched films, these 3-D films look fake. The cheesy effect of things coming out at you from a film (i.e. a bow or sword) takes you out of the movie watching experience. Being constantly conscious of things popping out at you at all

The questing group. Nice.

moments of the film puts it in a realm of disbelief about what is being portrayed onscreen. The headaches it creates from an unprepared audience (and from those who must wear glasses beneath glasses, *ahem* me) and the cost headache it creates is just too much. And everything, even movies that hold next to no 3-D value/scenes, are released for the sake of money. That shouldn’t be what the film industry is about, but, alas, it is.

So, let’s talk about every single good thing about this movie, and then I’ll give you my one problem with the movie. Okay, here we go.

Henry Cavill as Theseus. Check out that butt-chin.

Alright, Henry Cavill as Theseus. In an action film, I, for the most part, forgive the acting of those involved. For most who view these movies, they know no Oscars are coming its way and its for the entertainment value. A movie that sticks to its genre/guns is something I truly appreciate. And Henry Cavill, a relative newcomer to films (first big thing, The Count of Monte Cristo, other notables, Tristian and Isolde and The Tudors) performs in what I would consider an above average performance. Not on par with King Leonidas (Gerard Butler) but a similar gusto. He may come from Jersey (the original) but that doesn’t make him a horrible person, this English bred actor delivers and will hopefully deliver in Zack Snyder’s new Superman film, Man of Steel. I really wish these superhero movies would stop though…

Alright, here’s something that might surprise you. I’m a big Stephen Dorff fan. This dude, despite starring more often in action films and such below the Oscar radar, he has won my affection. Let’s talk Blade. Deacon Frost, the head of the vampires. Witty and evil as most comic book villains should be, Stephen Dorff delivers as the best villain in that series. Luke Goss in the second, a close second. Feardotcom, another good one. A little bit of an underrated horror film, this held some of the inspiration for the Saw series if I’m not mistaken. Throw in World Trade Center and Public Enemies, and you have a character actor with some pizzaz. As Stavros, the longest surviving of Theseus’ homies, the comic relief emanates from him.

Stephen Dorff. What a master.

We got Freida Pinto for the sex appeal. I gotta warn you, a 3-D nude ass in your face is something quite strange. With a similar sex scene to 300 with the plot device of The Scorpion King (let’s see who gets that), this scene had me laughing because of how uncomfortably cheesy it was. Here’s someone I wasn’t familiar with. Luke Evans as Zeus. He played Apollo in Clash of the Titans (ironic, and also a sad film) and was recently a very similarly looking character in The Three Musketeers. I am looking forward to the new Hobbit film, something it seems Evans will have a small part in. So, as Zeus, Luke Evans delivers a very intense character who can theatrically deliver lines. Probably picked more for his youth than skill, I wasn’t really disappointed at all. (All the Greek gods are supposed to be redonkulously good looking, right?)

All of the Greek gods: Zeus, Ares (Daniel Sharman), Athena (Isabel Lucas, niceee), and Poseidon (Kellan Lutz) were all good in their roles. Chiseled bodys of gods (reminds me of 300…) and a brisk demeanor places them above the mortals. And then there’s the special effects. The fight scenes were brutal. Just check out Ares taking out all of those slave overlords like Gallagher. The spear throw and the bow use is pretty ridiculous. These surge of films (Troy, 300, and now Immortals) are really bringing back the badassness of the spear. Combine this with the most important factor, the director. Tarsem Singh is the amazing visual director of two amazing films, The Cell and The Fall. Especially in The Fall, I can really see the resonance this movie holds with its director’s predecessors. Check those movies out if you haven’t already.

Damn you, King Rourke.

Alright, the downfall of this film. Two words. King Hyperion. Also, and more importantly, Mickey Rourke. This Disney named fool needs to stay in obscurity and out of films. The person he has become because of the drugs and addiction has created a monster. I didn’t like him in Sin City, The Wrestler, or Iron Man 2. The only movie I like him is is Diner from way back in 1982. Back when he was a real person and not a shell of the man he is now. It’s quite a sad thing. Oh well, like all actors, he will fall someday.

With a basic, easy to follow plot of the quest, this movie creates amazing landscapes for fight scenes (including the Gate of Mordor) and a fight scene towards the end with the locked away Titans that will blow you away. Created after so many years, it was almost too long of a lull between Immortals and 300. This movie needed to happen and it delivered. Not exactly a copy off of 300, but well worth the watch. Just avoid the 3-D and you’ll be fine. Maybe even skip over the mind-addled mumblings of Rourke while he eats his nuts, but we’ll see. This movie deserves a 8.4 out of 10.

This scene was ridic.

 

Born to Fight: Dan Chupong, Tony Jaa’s Contemp.

So there’s this guy. Dan Chupong. And he’s pretty good at Muay-Thai boxing. He’s been in a few films and definitely poses a threat to Tony Jaa. Interesting? ou bet he is. Like his fellow Muay-Thai fighter, Dan Chupong changed his first name for a more international appeal and should be hitting it big any day now. Little known fact, he was in Ong Bak 2 and 3 as Tony Jaa’s main antagonist, the crow creature/master fighter (?). But not to be outdone by Tony, Dan Chupong has begun his own career in the action film business in Thailand. His first big hit? Born to Fight.

So, in this film, Deaw (Dan Chupong) is a policeman, investigating a illegal trading syndicate headed by General Jang Sei

This could be... painful.

Yang (Nappon Gomarachun). In the ensuing fight, Deaw’s partner, Lowfei (Santisuk Promsiri) is killed and Deaw swears revenge against the evil General, who is subsequently arrested and placed in a high security jail.

Years later, Deaw has decided to accompany his sister and her olympic team of Thailand to a small village to help relieve their poverty and poor livings. All seems well (and the creepy dad of one of the girls completely agrees) until SUDDENLY… A militant terrorist group swarms into the small village (of all the damn villages) and begins mercilessly destroying the villagers, men, women, and children alike. Once they’ve done slayed about half the villagers, they round up the rest, excluding Deaw, into the center of the village. Their reasoning? They want the general released in exchange for the villagers. Fair trade? Dan Chupong would beg to differ.

Ever think you'd see an ass-kicking this way?

And from this point on, a bunch of olympic athletes, along with Deaw, begin to work and twirk every. last. soldier. At this point it’s guns versus buns (of steel) and you know the soldiers stand no chance. If this movie speaks to any horrific disaster of the last 50 years, this movie says that ordinary people can destroy the shit out of any armed and dangerous terrorist group that makes the mistake of attempting to invade their shanty town. And with what you may ask? The natural landscape of rubbery tin roofs, hardened wicker balls of steel, and a plethora of soccer balls kicked yards away with deadly 3-D accuracy.

What is nice about this movie is that Dan Chupong isn’t the main stunt actor in this battle of sports. Although he lays low with the village idiot who is a master of California Knockout, he obtains some guns. Which, in fact, is this movie’s letdown. Tony Jaa doesn’t need guns. Dan Chupong does. Is that cheap? Well, Dan is his own man, and can decide if he wants to be unfair for himself. But I have to give him credit, he can really use a gun with supernatural deadly accuracy.

But yes, the stunts are good and real (as Panna Rittikrai shows at the end of every film, his stunt actors getting rather horridly injured) and the action is intense, although the special effects may lack that pizzaz. I gotta say that nuke is rather a bust. But, other than that, there is some actually decent acting from the

It just. gets. insane.

villagers that inspires true tears, or, at least, with me. That is definitely something lacking in Tony Jaa’s films, other than Jaa himself. He is a regular Greg Kinnear. With a jam packed action scene once all the plot has been laid out and all seems lost, then this movie is really worth the watch. And guess what? Another Dan Chupong review is on the way. 7.5 out of 10.