RoboCop: The Future is Born

I had never in my 21 years of life ever before seen a RoboCop film. Hearing of how cheesy they look today and how they would insult my CG effects sensibilities, I was hesitant to check out this film on Netflix. My roommate did only the slightest of convincing and we sat down to watch. I was pleasantly surprised. Being hailed as a good film in its time for the issues it brought up and the icon it created, RoboCop can be seen as an overall achievement for all its done. And, right in the vein of claymation/animatronics that I’ve come to love too. Thank you Hellraiser.

RoboCop is the story of a rundown Detroit (as if Detroit didn’t already have a bad rap…) in which crime runs rampant. In such a desperate time, Detroit’s police force has been bought out by the Omni Consumer Productions Corporation (OCP). Hoping to bring up the efficiency of justice, OCP has created some prototypes to help this along. In error, OCP’s senior VP Dick Jones (Ronny Cox) creates a robot that malfunctions and maliciously kills a fellow worker. With this disaster under wraps, it is up to another boardmember, Bob Morton (Miguel Ferrer) and his robotic-cop idea to shine. In this cutthroat world of business, anything goes. (And this is an issue later.)

The future of policing.

Meanwhile, a newcomer to the Detroit scene is hittin’ the streets. Alex Murphy (Peter Weller) is a transferred cop out to prove just how good he is. And prove he does. He gets kidnapped by a gang led by a man named Boddicker (Kurtwood Smith). You may recognize him as Red from That 70’s Show. I’ll always remember him from RoboCop. Anyways, Murphy gets lit up. And I mean shotgunned to death. Arm destroyed, torso torn, shot dead. Animatronics at its most frightening. It was intense to say the least. You can guess where the rest of the movie goes at this point. Murphy is turned into RoboCop and helps clean up the streets. But there’s mischief afoot. And some inside guys need to be taken out.

Peter Weller, you freaky old bastard you.

All in all, the acting was sub par in this movie. I didn’t recognize many of the actors, although I had seen Miguel Ferrer in something or other. Peter Weller is more of a cult classic actor/T.V. production actor, and completely fell under my radar. You know who didn’t? Ray Wise. This best of the B-rated actors is quite high quality in my book. This Tim and Eric returner is the best hug teacher and Shrim disposer out there. Thanks and Great Job!

Other than that, not a lot stood out to me in this film. The plot chugged along, the ending could have ended a bit sooner, and I think this is one of those movies which could have a successful remake. And I don’t say that often. Some updated acting and an even darker element to this movie would really spice it up as a need to see action movie. Still set it in the 1980’s, this movie could benefit from a touch-up. But enough about that. The simple fact that this movie was so successful it created a merchandise franchise. I give props to a film that can create more than a movie from their idea. Good ideas about the crime of America and its economy went into this film, something to be commended on. Let’s see a remake soon… maybe. 5.5 out of 10.

You're in for a world of hurt, Red.

The Onion Movie: Film News at its Finest

So I’m sure there are those of you out there that follow The Onion News Network and enjoy all their satirical articles and videos. But the pinnacle of The Onion News Network? The Onion Movie. This movie takes all the best things of the 2000’s and put it all together into one satirical piece. With lead news anchor Norm Archer (Len Cariou) this movie destroys America and everything that has laid underneath its seedy underbelly for the last 100 years.

The layout for this movie is fantastic. Interspersed with reports from Norm (almost SNL style but with a serious delivery), this movie goes through a wide range of staged skits that connect one to another, characters bounce in and out in some

Norm Archer. You master.

wild ride of hot topics of 2008 and before. It’s pretty much ridiculous. I mean, a lot of the skits deal with stereotypes, racism, failed products, the American war machine, economy, and entertainment industry. In this movie, nothing is safe. And I loved every minute of it.

With my second time viewing it and showing it to an Onion News virgin, it was fantastic to anticipate all the sketches that were coming. I mean come on, the Queen Nathan? That is completely unexpected and a slap in the face with homosexuality’s member. The unknown stereotypes? I mean, who knew Peruvians jump in to save the day and shoot laser beams? With a multitude of black jokes (alcoholics, robbers, intelligent black men in search of the local library via asking a bartender, etc.) and a complete shakedown of the current sex fueled pop music scene (Take Me from Behind), people are getting destroyed.

A trio for the ages!

And how does this movie summarize? A complete collision of all characters and situations. A terrorist hijacking of the ONN studio in leu of ONN selling out to the corporate machine taking over with their damn annoying penguin? Perfect. Let’s hope those Peruvians come to save the day (Wink, wink). My favorite sketch? Obviously it has to be the white man mistaken for a black guy. I think that’s what all wiggers (white kid posers) deserve. Don’t dress all killer gangster unless you expect to pay the price of being hilariously profiled. Oh, and Cockpuncher. That’s a legit movie I would see with Steven Seagal. He’s a master and not that many people know it, but, come on, if he punched your cock, you’d notice in a hurry.

I could keep going on about every sketch and just how excellently they’re pulled off with an amateur cast of serious comics. With the help of Todd Hanson and Robert D. Siegel, writers of the film and directed by Tom Kuntz and Mike Maguire, this film delivers without the flash. Just like the real news. (Weird fact, Robert D. Siegel wrote the screenplay for The Wrestler? What a twist! Shows you how ballin’ these guys are.) So check out this little satirical film of the American Machine. It’s well worth Brendan Laroux, and you gotta support a hockey player without legs or wrists. 8.6 out of 10.