Bitch Slap! Yeah! It’s THAT BAD.

I don’t know how much I’m gonna be able to say about this movie without just shitting all over it. This movie, in one and only one sense, is bad. Look, I’m as big of a Kevin Sorbo fan as the next guy (Hercules 2016), but this movie didn’t have enough of that sword wielding hunk. Sure, he can make fun of himself, but there wasn’t enough of him to make fun of.

So there are these three hook- I mean… women. Trixie (Julia Voth) is a stripper, somehow dragged into the events of the two other con

How much does it hurt to push those boobs together?

artist/undercover femme fatales. Hel (Erin Cummings), called this name for her flamboyantly red hair I guess, is the head of the operation, meanwhile Camero (America Olivo) is a hotheaded gun pusher that bends to her lesbian will. (Every woman in this movie is a lesbian of some sort. The odds, right?)

The whole plot of this movie takes place in a desert next to a trailer of some guy who the girls shoot in order to find information but

Sorry Gage… Bang Camero.

obviously hotheaded Camero can’t handle her itchy trigger finger. Too bad Gage (Michael Hurst; this guy played Hercules almost more than Kevin Sorbo…). With in-party fighting and an unnecessary water fight scene with slathered boobage, this movie takes the 1960’s and 70’s sexploitation films to a whole new level. To the point where not even the plot matters, the acting is terrible, and the story is nonsensical.

For the record, I hated the flashbacks throughout the movie that explained what they were doing here. There was no need for that explanation, let alone a twist based on the love relationships of the three women with each other. There is a 7 or 8 minute long lesbian make-out scene in this movie. No joke. Sure, I’m a guy and what guy doesn’t want to see that every once in a while in a film… but I grew bored. Really bored. I’m surprised I didn’t just turn the movie off. Thanks for instant streaming at my fingertips, Netflix.

With no budget and just a bunch of slutty bitch-slapped biatches, Kevin Sorbo literally is the standout in this movie. The

Why couldn’t you two have stolen this movie away?

side characters had more depth and a more interesting look than the main skanks. And I’m not using these words to degrade women. This is literally the dialogue I heard throughout the movie, drivel that entered my ear holes for some reason and stuck there and won’t seem to eek out. But I’m looking at you, William Gregory Lee as Hot

Love always, Kevin Sorbo.

Wire and Minae Noji as Kinki. You should’ve just killed them execution style and stolen the movie. Much better.

So I was bored to tears and embarassed for an over-embellished parody of the exploitation films of a yesteryear. The movie doesn’t take itself seriously, and I wouldn’t wish watching this movie on anyone else. I was expecting Grindhouse quality. I didn’t realize I would get softcore bore. Oh well, lesson learned. 2.3 out of 10, purely for pretty women.

Momento Mori: The One About the Diary

What's with the water? Never got that...

If you guys are keeping up with my blogs and are familiar with Korean horror films, you may have found some discrepancies in my post on the prequel to Momento Mori, Whispering Corridors. I had mentioned the interesting voyeuristic quality of the journal in Whispering Corridors. I watched these movies back to back a little while ago and they kind of became one movie to me. That statement on the journals holds true to this movie and not the other one. In truth, these movies have nothing to do with each other. Sorry for the confusion, and on to the review!

So this movie stood out to me a lot more than its predecessor (despite the two being unrelated). Momento Mori is the story of gossip and alienation among an all girls school. In this movie, two girls, Yoo Shi-Eun and Min Hyo-Shin are the focus of ridicule and spite around their school. The pressures placed on these two girls due to their lesbian relationship are almost insurmountable for the two. Through a roller-coaster of  emotions and problems, Shi-Eun and Hyo-Shin face the ridicule of those around them with a brave face. Until everything goes wrong.

The relationship of these two is weird...

And that’s where the horror element comes from. Coming from a more thriller/suspense angle, this movie lacks terror and horror you would expect from a movie like this. A lot more of the tension and jumpiness comes from the voyeuristic element of Soh Min-Ah, the third party participant who finds their journal/diary. With the discovery of the journal lost by the lovers at any moment, Min-Ah must walk on eggshells around school, knowing what is truly going on between the two girls. And then things start becoming strange around the school, and the entire school must suffer for their treatment of two different kinds of lovers.

About as frightening as it gets.

This movie really did leave a lot to be desired in the horror department. It’s plot was well done, but the elements you would expect in the semblance of a horror movie really didn’t come out. With a few surreal elements that didn’t necessarily fit, I found a lot of the movie interesting more for its characters and scenes than its terror and suspense. There is quite a creepy element that exudes from the two lesbian lovers, which I don’t necessarily think comes from the acting as it does from the lack of skill. There’s not much else to say about this less than remarkable film, but I will give it at least an attempt to watch for anyone who is interested in the toned down style of Asian horror films.