Tag Archives: pawn shop

Hobo With a Shotgun…

Okay, let’s try to tackle this cacophony of a train wreck with scene after scene making me yell out loud, “WHAT.” How do I even approach this? I think a good review of this would be to analyze the plot to really dig into the absurdity that is Hobo With a Shotgun.

Shot in the style of Grindhouse/Pulp Fiction/all of Quentin Tarantino’s crap, I really wish Jason Eisener had gone for a more original approach to this film. But hey, it’s a style people like that pisses me off, but that’s cool… I guess…

Anyways, plot. Hobo w/ a Shotgun (Rutger Hauer) rolls into a dead end town with no real goal other than to buy a mower. I know, you’re already wondering, “What the freakin’ Hell?” Suspend your disbelief, please. Hauer ain’t gotta have a purpose to buy a lawn mower. Anyways, first thing Hobo encounters, Drake

Why does this movie exist?

(Brian Downey) and his sons, Slick (Gregory Smith) and Ivan (Nick Bateman) have taken some dude and hung him by a manhole cover like a noose. Legs all hanging in the gutter and the manhole cover cheesily bending to allow him to move, they attach a barb wire noose around his neck and use Drake’s car to decapitate the dude. I thought, “Okay, I can roll with this.”

Rutger Hauer, you unbelievable bastard...

Then, Hobo gets pissed when his can cart gets picked off by Drake’s car. And Drake owns this town.  So you can be sure the final confrontation will be between Rutger Hauer, one of the strangest men in Hollywood, and Brian Downey, a no name actor. And for shame, former Disney Channel star Gregory Smith, you deserve to get your penis shotgunned off.

Drake, you sneaky old cod.

So Hobo roams around this shithole town, knowing that justice needs to be delivered. Who’s gonna do it? It’ll be him, but we have to wait 45 MINUTES FOR THIS. Crap. Slick takes this hoe (Molly Dunsworth)  back to his arcade full of cocaine and Hobo rescues her in the nick of time with his hobo prodding stick. After turning Slick into the police and expecting justice, Slick and Ivan screw his life up a bit more and toss him into the trash. (Insert retarded cheesy line here.) Being found by the prostitute who never makes a buck the entire movie (she was currently being talked to by a cop who wants to hurt himself more than have sex), she takes him back to her decent house with an empty picture frame and gets lectured about the majesty of bears.

I must be dreaming this scene can't be real...

Hobo goes to buy his lawn mower after recuperating and eating glass and witnesses a robbery at the pawn shop. So what does he do? Buys a shotgun and shoots every following bad guy in the stomach. Classy. Rutger Hauer mumbles the entire film and you’re supposed to understand his mindless ramblings. Didn’t get a damn word. Not a one.

There are some more lines about skate rape, a bus full of burn victim children, a town lynching of hobos, and then a final confrontation between these two

The useless prostitute, Abby.

juggernauts in full armor and prostitute with soldering iron skills. The town gangs together to rally the Hobo, the prostitute runs train on the juggernauts, and Hobo gives a touching speech to a hospital room full of frightened babies. People die, Hobo kills Drake, police gun down Hobo, credits roll in the blood. Moral of this waste of time story? Don’t let Hobos near any run down cities. Don’t let them buy lawn

Rutger Hauer. Scaring babies for far too long.

mowers or cart around tipsy shopping carts. Or even be in movies. (Other than Japanese ones.) I gotta say it, but despite the ridiculous antics of this film, I didn’t once laugh. I was distressed and felt like I was on a bad acid trip. Complete 0 out of 10. This truly was a skate rape.

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The Flight of the Conchords (Season 1)

I love Flight of the Conchords. They’re a great novelty band. They’re great comedians. They eek awesome. Ever since a few years ago when my friend played “The Distant Future” in the car for me, I’ve fallen in love with the entity that is Flight of the Conchords. I think it might have only been a few days after I heard that song that I went out and bought the first season of the show. And it became one of my favorite shows almost instantaneously.

So plot. Hilarity ensues. Done.

Bret McKenzie and Jemaine Clement are Flight of the Conchords, a New Zealand folk band, trying to make in New York City, living out of a small flat. With the help of their band manager/consulate worker Murray, (Rhys Darby) the band tries to find gigs, women, and on-stage glory.

Best part of this show? Music videos hidden in the show as plot. Yes. I don’t say this often but: FTW. Every song gets better and better as the show goes on. Besides The Distant Future, there’s The Most Beautiful Lady (in the Room). Rhymnocerous vs. Hiphopapotamus, Mutha’uckas, and Business Time, one of my all time favorites. In the middle of doing something or as a scene allows, the guys will break out in song, directing their attention to the outside audience, serenading watchers with their hilarious songs. I know I’m writing this many years after the first season and the subsequent release of the second two years later, but a review of the second season will be forthcoming. (I am reviewing this season on my 4th watch.)

Besides the hilarity of Bret, Jemaine, and Murray, we have an all-star backup cast. Arj Barker is ridiculous as the Indian bad ass pawn store owner Dave, Kristen Schaal is always creepy as the Conchords’ obsessed fan, Mel, and Eugene Mirman, a sort of obese Gollum look-alike, always delivers with his occasional lines as the guys’ landlord, Eugene. Even after I just told you all this, I haven’t even given the kicker. Demetri Martin guest stars in the last episode. Okay. Now you can cry with joy.

Every episode is amazing. The Sally episode starts the series off great. There’s the Mugged episode that makes me laugh every time when Murray says “He maybe dead (did).” The Bowie episode is fantastic with a spot-on impersonation of Jemaine as Bowie, Haziz Ansari guest stars as a fruit store owner racist against Kiwis, AND the guys go on tour in airport lobbies and hotels. There’s even an episode based around the Lord of the Rings, the stigmatized view of New Zealand and its association with Tolkien. (Fun Fact: If you own Return of the King, pop that sucker in and go to scene selections. Click on the third scene: Arwen’s Vision and watch it for a while. You should find an elf with two lines, begging Arwen to keep moving. That elf? Bret.)

So what more is there to say about this show. I can’t say enough. This show is redonkulous. Seriously. 10 out of 10. Go out, buy it. Watch it throughn 100 times. You’ll always laugh.

And for your enjoyment, the best song, hands down, from the first season.