Romeo Must Die

In what was considered Jet Li’s breakout American performance, I was a bit disappointed. (I personally though Lethal Weapon 4 really showcased a lot more skills…) The plot is just a crude, urban sampling from Romeo and Juliet. There were minimal stunt/fight scenes. Overall it wasn’t as action packed as the cover had led me to think. I guess I should’ve

An awkward couple?

expected half-assed amounts of martial arts from the director of Exit Wounds, Doom, and Street Fighter. Thanks a lot, Andrzej Bartkowiak…

Let’s just examine the plot to get a what bothers me about this movie. Two warring families. You have the Sing family, led by Ch’u Sing (Henry O). Then you have the black family led by Issak O’Day (Delroy Lindo. He’s that intelligent black man you see in a lot of films as a stock character actor. The smart version of Ving Rhames.) O’Day? What kind of last name is that for a black mafia family? And when have black gangs ever organized like the mafia in the first place? Weird…

This is the second time in a film I’ve seen a guy throwing a girl around…

So yes, I get the two warring families with Jet Li and Aaliyah in the middle. They don’t really love each other at first and you never get that onscreen chemistry from them. Never even a kiss. Just a hug. What I find weird is that they shot the kiss scene (that could’ve been placed anywhere in the film) and they chose to cut it out. Racist anyone? The screeners said it was awkward… Hmm…

Anyways, Jet Li is Han Sing, escaped from a high security prison in Hong Kong. He creatively escapes during one of the cooler fight scenes in the film, but how does he escape the country and make it all the way to Oakland? There is a real lack of police interference in this movie… Aaliyah is a beautiful young actress who (after watching this and The Queen of the Damned) really was taken too quickly from the

It’s all about the shades for Wong.

silver screen. She wasn’t like other R&B actresses onscreen who kinda flaunted their sex appeal. She came across as the cute girl next door you could believe and fall in love with. (Not so much in The Queen of the Damned, but just as good in that movie too.)

A beautiful and tragic young actress.

So Jet Li makes it to Oakland to discover something fishy going on with his father’s gang enterprise. His brother Po (Jon Kit Lee) has been murdered and Han Sing is on the case to find out what happened. (He used to be a police officer. Jackie Chan anyone?) The two star crossed lovers meet (if you can call them lovers) and their families war around them. With some betrayal and only the slightest bit of martial arts, this movie comes to its conclusion: happy ending.

But it wasn’t such a good ride to the happy end. Coming from a 2000 film, the ghetto speak was tired and old. If I had watched it when it had came out, I might be saying something different. But all the dawg’s and yo’s really wore on me… especially when the Chinese gangs used that slang, AND if showed up in

Some of that minimal martial arts.

their subtitle translations for some strange reason… I don’t think they have that kind of slang in the Chinese language…

And how racist this film was! It wasn’t just the speech, it was the music. Sure you have an all star cast doing the R&B hits for all the black gang scenes, but when it comes to cutting over to a scene with Jet Li or someone in the Asian gang, classical oriental music. The clangs and bows of what every person in America hears when they go into a Panda Express. There couldn’t be an infusion or anything more original for both gangs? This movie just seemed like a compare and contrast of races. The only crossover was that some black gang members miraculously knew proper Karate/Wushu form for no reason. Fancy that…

Get your head around that…

The acting was fine and I had no major complaints about that. But for some reason, and I don’t know how to put it into words, Anthony Anderson (co-star of some of the Scary Movies… and Kangaroo Jack…) just rubbed me the wrong way. He wasn’t funny, and seeing him get his ass handed to him by Jet Li just seemed satisfying… Overall though, the whole movie put me in a sour mood. I’ve seen better from Jet Li. This movie is one of those Asian/American films that takes the whole action/martial arts thing for granted. It sickened me a little bit. It was just too dated for me. They should’ve changed the title too… Romeo Must Die? More like A Vague Racist Action Movie About Building A Football Dome. There you go, all fixed. 4.3 out of 10.

Chappelle’s Show

It had to end sometime, but I’m betting a lot of people who watched this show as hardcore fans wish it hadn’t have ended as soon as it did. I’m not going to get into the details many of you may know about why Chappelle left the show. It was his choice and I respect that. This review is just going to be about how wonderful the show was and my appeal to maybe bringing it back.

So the premise of Dave Chappelle’s Show is quite simple and brilliant. In a series of sketch comedy scenes, Chappelle addresses the issues of racism, ethnic tension, and the ways in which we deal with issues between the races. In a not so subtle way, I feel that Dave Chappelle attacked racial stereotypes in a not so subtle manner. By displaying the

UNITYYYYY!!!

ridiculously racist ideals of the U.S., Chappelle showed that even in a entertainment type setting, these racist views aren’t plausible in today’s society. Now, Chappelle said in one of his recordings that, “You know why my show is good? Because the network officials say you’re not smart enough to get what I’m doing, and every day I fight for you. I tell them how smart you are. Turns out, I was wrong. You people are stupid.” In an offensive way, Dave Chappelle is addressing the issue that the stereotypes are what makes everyone laugh. It doesn’t do anything else. It doesn’t make us think. I’m sure there are those of us that it does do more than make us laugh at the racism, but the show lost sight of that (i.e. Lost Episodes).

One of the best written sketches, and I think it went over people’s heads.

What made me laugh about this show wasn’t necessarily the racism and stereotypes. What made me laugh were the ridiculous characters and the great way the dialogue was written. I’m not gonna say I was above laughing at some of the racist jokes, but it was more characters like Leonard Washington and Tron that made me laugh at the exaggerated mannerisms that were displayed in their sketches. And I felt that Dave Chappelle tackled more than just racism. He talked about ridiculous pop culture. Be it Grand Theft Auto or Cribs, Chappelle showed just how ridiculous our society has become in what it values and projects. He handled the political and the ethics of society. He even displayed, in a good light, just how pervasive and progressive African Americans have

Now that’s a position you wanna see.

become in society. Yes, the Lost Episodes went in the wrong direction, but it was the abrupt end of what was before a good thing.

And this show was a very good thing. It brought to my attention that Eddie Murphy’s brother is funnier than he is. He proved to me that white people can be included in black comedy and join in the laughter without feeling awkward. He’s brought out the issues of drug use among society, race relations, and African American views on just about everything. He pushed the boundaries at a time that being politically correct was more important than anything else. He spit in the face of keeping silent on issues that actually matter. And I applaud him for that.

Game, blouses. May you never quit comedy, Dave Chappelle.

So, if you are one of those people who this show passed by, check it out now. It’s all on Netflix. Bask in the glory of what is considered in the top 50 of all time best shows on television. It may have been too short lived, but Dave Chappelle is an intelligent and sensitive person who understands quality is better than quantity. And he makes some of the best quality sketches I’ve seen. So, for all his hard work and comedic genius, Chappelle’s Show deserves a 9.1 out of 10.

Four Lions: Terrorism at its Finest

In this dark comedy/mockumentary of the Islamic world of terrorism, four “lions” of men come together for one reason only, to attack the Western infidels of Sheffield, England in order to send a message. And what a message they send. In one of the funniest movies of the past five years, for me, I couldn’t stop laughing as these moderately incompetent terrorists attempt to lay some waste and terror all over some English peoples. There’s mishaps, wavering trust and faith, and even some exploding sheep. Nothing could be better than one of the most controversial films to ever deal with a hot button issue.

This misfit group of terrorists are really intent on blowing up something. Be it a drug store or the members of a fun run, Hell, even their own mosque, they plan to incite some rage and tension between countries. There’s Omar (Riz Ahmed), the leader of the group with the best head on his shoulders. He plans to leave his family and be truer to the Muslim faith than his bookworm of a brother. What shocked me most about this film was why Omar’s loving and beautiful wife and son are okay with all that

Some kooky terrorists on the prowl.

he’s doing. There’s Omar’s dim witted friend and “bro” Waj (Kayvan Novak). Always wanting to travel on those “rubber dingy rapids”, Waj has the best of intentions but always seems to screw it up along the way. Throw in the wild card Barry (Nigel Lindsay) the white Muslim converted Englander who feels he’s better suited for terrorist acts than anyone in the group. He screws up a lot, but will never admit to his mistakes. And there’s Faisal (Adeel Akhtar) the man who blows up crows in preparation for an airborne attack.

Hassan pullin’ off some Muslim rapping.

Bring together this rag-tag bunch of Muslim extremists and you have a recipe for disaster. They cook up bombs in their flat with huge amounts of bleach and other cleaning products and slang it around with one of the funniest escape scenes you’ll ever see. There’s arguments on what a Wookie is (a bear or not?) and whether being a Muslim rapper is the right path in life. There are some great scenes in Afghanistan where Omar and Waj go for training and one of my favorite muck-up scenes takes place there as well. Is it racist I attempt to put on a English tinted Muslim accent? RUBBER DINGY RAPIDS BRO.

I was mightily impressed with Chris Morris’ directing and writing in this film. He researched information on the situation of terrorism and the “War on Terror” prior to this film. This helped accurately represent the frustrated characters he created in this film that just want to blow shit up. Coming from an actor turned director that I’ve watched in a few seasons of The IT Crowd, his humor wasn’t represented, and replaced with a much darker and brooding one. The council scene in which the local residents in Sheffield debate about terrorism is hard to watch and quite frightening when Hassan (Arsher Ali) is introduced. Their ideals and views may come across as ridiculous, but there are those out there who believe infidels must be killed and women must be locked away.

Explain this. Word.

Get some, Omar.

Not recognizing any of the actors from this film really helped enhance the experience of watching this film. They’re all fine actors and you begin to believe they are strong extremist Muslim supporters in this film. The gorilla style of shooting and set ups are all interesting and give a gritty feel to the film. The Afghanistan shots seem a bit unbelievable but its only for a short time that you have to jump into the warfare of the sands. The conflicts and characters develop as the film progresses and you learn that there is a serious side to the film. The dark humor becomes more real and you’re forced to realize situations like this happen, the terrorists have families and faces, they have feelings and emotions just like us. It’s not so much a sympathy film as it is a humorously dark look into what exactly terrorism means outside of our own perspectives. And I applaud that outlook. This film accomplishes its comedic elements and also delivers a message at the same time. Impressed as I was, this movie does deserve all the critical acclaim it got. Best film of 2010? You got it. A definite 9.7 out of 10.

The Onion Movie: Film News at its Finest

So I’m sure there are those of you out there that follow The Onion News Network and enjoy all their satirical articles and videos. But the pinnacle of The Onion News Network? The Onion Movie. This movie takes all the best things of the 2000’s and put it all together into one satirical piece. With lead news anchor Norm Archer (Len Cariou) this movie destroys America and everything that has laid underneath its seedy underbelly for the last 100 years.

The layout for this movie is fantastic. Interspersed with reports from Norm (almost SNL style but with a serious delivery), this movie goes through a wide range of staged skits that connect one to another, characters bounce in and out in some

Norm Archer. You master.

wild ride of hot topics of 2008 and before. It’s pretty much ridiculous. I mean, a lot of the skits deal with stereotypes, racism, failed products, the American war machine, economy, and entertainment industry. In this movie, nothing is safe. And I loved every minute of it.

With my second time viewing it and showing it to an Onion News virgin, it was fantastic to anticipate all the sketches that were coming. I mean come on, the Queen Nathan? That is completely unexpected and a slap in the face with homosexuality’s member. The unknown stereotypes? I mean, who knew Peruvians jump in to save the day and shoot laser beams? With a multitude of black jokes (alcoholics, robbers, intelligent black men in search of the local library via asking a bartender, etc.) and a complete shakedown of the current sex fueled pop music scene (Take Me from Behind), people are getting destroyed.

A trio for the ages!

And how does this movie summarize? A complete collision of all characters and situations. A terrorist hijacking of the ONN studio in leu of ONN selling out to the corporate machine taking over with their damn annoying penguin? Perfect. Let’s hope those Peruvians come to save the day (Wink, wink). My favorite sketch? Obviously it has to be the white man mistaken for a black guy. I think that’s what all wiggers (white kid posers) deserve. Don’t dress all killer gangster unless you expect to pay the price of being hilariously profiled. Oh, and Cockpuncher. That’s a legit movie I would see with Steven Seagal. He’s a master and not that many people know it, but, come on, if he punched your cock, you’d notice in a hurry.

I could keep going on about every sketch and just how excellently they’re pulled off with an amateur cast of serious comics. With the help of Todd Hanson and Robert D. Siegel, writers of the film and directed by Tom Kuntz and Mike Maguire, this film delivers without the flash. Just like the real news. (Weird fact, Robert D. Siegel wrote the screenplay for The Wrestler? What a twist! Shows you how ballin’ these guys are.) So check out this little satirical film of the American Machine. It’s well worth Brendan Laroux, and you gotta support a hockey player without legs or wrists. 8.6 out of 10.