Tag Archives: Syfy

My Rifftrax Experience in Theaters

A few weeks ago I was treated to an amazing experience in theaters that I never thought would happen.

I am a huge fan of Mystery Science Theater 3000. I would wake up early on the weekends in order to watch this show on Syfy (known back in the day as Sci-Fi… I think…) and laugh until my sides hurt. The basic premise of the show? A group of three talented off-the-cuff comedians would sit down to a really crappy older sci-fi/fantasy film and dub over it, making fun of the situations with one liners and references. Coming from a very nerdy sense of humor, this show really hit home.

And then, as if out of nowhere, MST3K reappeared on my radar. And this time, in theaters. On several events, the guys from Rifftrax would simulcast live to Regal Cinemas all over the country and riff things live that they thought of during the movie. At first I was hesitant to watch this among other people (most of them were sad and fat nerdy people), but then I forgot that as the lights went down. 80% of the jokes were well timed and golden, leaving me with tears in my eyes. My whole family loved it and I was over the moon about this fantastic return to my childhood.

In this particular instance, we watched Manos: The Hand of Fate. Considered one of the worst movies of all time, I was dying at the movie and everything said. It was wonderful.

For more on the movie, check out the link below to Wikipedia:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manos:_The_Hands_of_Fate

I loved the experience and I would encourage other sci-fi/fantasy/nerd culture fans who love great high brow comedy to come to these events and laugh with everyone else. It’s like coming to see a comedian, and walking away with a great movie watching experience. My experience, 10 out of 10. The bomb.

Thanks a ton, MST3K.

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American Psycho 2: Patrick Bateman Is Shamed…

I am glad to hear the author of American Psycho, Bret Easton Ellis, disowned this film. This film is trash. Being a gigantic fan of Mary Harron’s American Psycho, I went into this one knowing it wasn’t going to be as good as the first. But I had to idea how bad this was going to be. I was in for 90 minutes of comedic pain. This movie does in fact shame Patrick Bateman and his legacy.

So what should I say about this movie? Well, Mila Kunis is average. I’ve never expected much out of her from any film, so I’m never disappointed. Oh well… As for playing the

Wow, threatening…

psychotic main character who will ironically do anything to get into Quantico for criminal profiling? Oh how funny that is… When you see a movie and William Shatner is a better actor than a lot of the other people? That’s emotionally disturbing.

The plot. Rachel Newman (Mila Kunis) is taken on a special date with her babysitter. It’s Patrick Bateman, and you can bet it’s not Christian Bale. They got a toolish looking Cro-Magnon man to take the role of his stunt double or some shit. Rachel stabs him and this is the point that she decides she wants to kill other serial killers. What a rational and normal turning point for a 12 year old child. Let me also remind you the terror and gore in this movie is below par. Below humanly realistic levels. It’s SyFy $2,000 budget cheesy. Sickening in itself.

Giving the best actor in the film a back rub…

Now at a prestigious psychology school, Rachel plans to do anything to get to be Prof. Starkman’s (William Shatner) teaching assistant. She has 3 other competitors, so what do you think she does? Obviously asks them out to a diplomatic dinner or lets her grades do the talking. No, she kills them. Blandly. Thus becoming what she wanted to fight. How sad.

With a constantly running inner dialogue and cliche puns and lines, Mila Kunis attempts to embody a emotionless corpse. She accomplishes the emotionless thing. She’s not that good of an actress. She just looks good on camera. There’s a constant soundtrack overpowering the movie with some lighthearted

Thanks to whoever made this picture.

Lifetime channel “I’m beating my wife and it’s a dark secret” soundtrack. It’s awful, ruining any chance of a proper slasher scene.

There is no semblance of reality in a film that claims the opposite of American Psycho 1. First of all, I can’t call this American Psycho 2, so I’ll call this Psycho B.S. : The Movie No One Should See. Good running title. The police are terrible with missing person’s reports. The bumble around and allow Mila Kunis to kill in broad daylight. She chokes out this dude with a condom. How many B.S. flags do I need to raise? She leaves dead bodies lying around and has a rotting corpse in her closet. She would’ve been caught after attempting the first one. She’s in a COLLEGE DORM. There are people everywhere who would figure something is up. Everyone in this film is stupid.

Damn straight.

But what can I expect from a movie directed by Morgan J. Freeman. He’s the dude creating/directing all the 16 and Pregnant episodes. He’s perpetuating a idea that it’s cool to get pregnant in high school to be on T.V. Those girls don’t need attention, they need to be placed in boxes. That show is a what not to do when it comes to sex or anything of the sort when it comes to living. I don’t feel bad for them or Freeman’s work. It’s all shit.

Basically, don’t watch this movie. It is a travesty to American Psycho and horror movies everywhere. Case closed. 0 out of 10.


Cyberbu//y: I CAN’T GET THE CAP OFF

Are you crying from watching this horrid movie on Youtube, Emily Osment?

You may be alarmed at the use of capitalization in the heading for this review. But what you should be more alarmed about is the content of this movie. In an effort to stop the gross amount of cyberbullying that has gone on in the past decade, Cyberbu//y the movie was created.  And instead of raising my awareness and sympathy for the cause, this movie took the whole movement quite a few steps back. At least, from a cinematic perspective.

So Taylor Hillridge (Emily Osment) is a typical high schooler. Stigmatized by Hannah Montana she may be, but normal all the same. She has two rad friends, Samantha (Kay Panabaker) and Cheyenne (Meaghan Rath).  One’s a fellow Disney channel star, the other, a sexy ghost on Syfy. Word.

Then, oh my god! Taylor gets a laptop for her birthday. I find it funny they never indulge her age, but hey, Meaghan Rath is 25…  What’s the first thing you do when you get your own personal computer? Apply to a Faceobook rip-off website that asks you what color your underwear is. And also doesn’t allow you to block unwanted friends. Sounds like a plan.

Is that the Xbox symbol? What?!?

So Taylor does so and unfortunately enters the world of cyberbullying. With a simple use of “bitch”, Taylor is relentlessly assaulted by one of the ugliest popular girls I have ever seen in my life. If there’s someone who should have been relentlessly bully beaten, it was this girl. If they were going for the ugly girl you have to hate because they think they’re pretty, then they hit the nail on the head. Either way, don’t hire Nastassia Markiewicz.

Her mother had all the opportunities in the world to delete her "Cliquesters..."

How many sentences can I use to tell just how horribly inaccurate and coarse this movie was? Yes, it was a movie for ABC Family T.V., but this movie barely scratched the surface on the harshness of teenagers. All those hormones flying around and the best they could do is talk about STD’s and pregnancy? Two things that would be self-evident the second the person showed up at school. But no, I must withhold my judgment. This is a harsher time, a worse off place in this magical land of ABC wonderment. No real world problems are dealt with here. The entire movie my head was full of evil retorts that could’ve been used to right the situation. Oh, the audacity.

I don’t wanna spoil every scene of ridiculousness in this movie (anything that Jon McLaren does as Scott is worthy of this) but there are quite a few. So I’ll just show this:

Now, my idea is to take every character, in a viral video I’d love to make, and recast all the characters. In this short video, I’d have every character, every time they have trouble or become sad, and have them have to deal with a pill bottle. Because what this film has taught me is that for some uneducated suicidal teens, pill bottle caps save lives. And I will use this ridiculous scene from the movie to illustrate that.

This girl wanted to get even. The other kid was a fruit.

What more is there to say about this? This movie is based on a girl who did kill herself after cyberbullying. Where’s the HBO version of this? Why doesn’t the girl succeed and they continue with the effects her death has on the family? This movie just didn’t roll on the issue as hard as it should have. I wanted some bullying that was worth dying over. Not some viral video of a girl with a bag on her head pretending to be a prostitute. Not to advocate any of this, but sometimes it takes a Holocaust proportion example to move people’s awareness. Just saying, not to be a horrid person.

A disgusting plate of horridness.

But let’s move past the issue. The acting, for the most part, was actually okay. Other than Scott. That kid needs to quit acting altogether. But yes, for the most part, the acting was accurate. But where it fell short was that this was 2011 film that struggled to keep up with a changing teen scene. It was stuck back in Myspace when people have moved on to Facebook. The pettiness has become more frightening. It’s fierce, and the lingo lacked luster. The situation seemed vague to encapsulate a teenager’s life, and the melodrama of a Lifetime movie shone through. Unfortunate and ruinous in the end.

So watch this if you have no idea what the internet is. Watch this if you like Disney channel. Just don’t watch this if you want to be moved and informed on the topic of cyberbullying. Actually, scratch that. Watch it for the humor because of its downfall. It falls hard. 4.1 out of 10.

For shame, if only Haley Joel knew...