Setup… Really?

Basic.

It is not wrong when I say that 50 Cent is the best actor in this film. Nor is it wrong to say that I watched this movie for 50 Cent and 50 Cent alone. He is my guilty pleasure actor. No matter what he does, I have to see it. He got me through some thuggish times in 8th grade…

Setup is the story of 50 Cent, better known in this film as Sonny. One of the most un-hoodrat names I’ve ever heard, but what can you do? Sonny has two friends, Vincent (Ryan Phillippe) and Dave (Brett Granstaff). They plan a heist and do the job. On a dock somewhere nearby, they stop. Vincent gets out and betrays Sonny and Dave by shooting them in the chest. For Sonny, this means revenge. For Dave, this is a metaphor for his career. Goodbye Dave.

This film, although a 50 Cent joint, was so unremarkable to me. The people that they robbed were planned ahead of time and “set-up” 50 and the gang. Vincent/Phillippe is a whiny, strange wigger biatch who deserves what he gets coming at the end. His lady gets glass coffee tabled and this strange Hispanic assassin who does it comes up like a deadly fairy. And here we go with another Lucky Number 7leven situation again. Bruce Willis comes in as this eccentric, unemotional crime boss, Jack Biggs. His part is simple, and, more importantly, basic. I could not even say that his acting was decent in this film. 50 Cent blew everyone out of the water.

Let's cheers to my horrible acting, for I am Bruce Willis.

One scene I will say I enjoyed in this movie was the Randy Couture scene. This MMA fighter is the biggest fool of them all and, when they say don’t play with a loaded gun, he does. In one of those corny lines (“Don’t shoot yourself”) Randy thinks his massively shaved head will shield any incoming projectiles. Lesson is, you will end up in some strange chemical factory chop shop were you go through this darkly satirized meat grinder.

Three big old gangsters, in a van. Bye Dave.

The mob guys are lame and there’s this odd standoff between the gangsters of the street and the high end Italian gangsters (if that was what they were going for…). The plot is basic, the characters are basic, and 50 Cent steals the show. I don’t know what more to say. That arms dealer was mad funny though. I give him props for making one of the darker scenes of the movie really funny. But you can’t make one good 5 minute scene and an hour and 35 minutes of crap. It just can’t make up for it. But I gotta give my props to 50 Cent. He pulled this up from a 1 out of 10 to a 2.6 out of 10. Way to go.

Word! Randy Couture!

Leprechaun 5: In The Hood

I’m about to possibly sound racist from the very beginning of this blog post, but I found Leprechaun 5: In the Hood to be hilarious. I know its marketed as a horror comedy, but they should have more clearly defined it as a black horror comedy for black people. Or maybe more to the point that its a comedy that sensationalizes the thug life of black people in the 90’s. I really don’t know how to classify this movie myself. Let’s just get on with it…

This is a movie all about how three rappers got their lives turned upside down. They got in a fight with a leprechaun and their blind moms wasn’t spared. There’s a flute and some crazy ass-lines without care. There, rap schpeel over.  This movie attacks the African American street community from all angles. It is absolutely absurd. It doesn’t care what stereotypes it digs up. It makes stereotypes out of thin air. Who knew every damn black person who

Three posers.

picks up a flute can play a little diddy? I didn’t! And know I do! And the more you know the more you grow and that’s half the battle!

So this movie starts out with three true O.G.’s (original gangsters for the layperson) named Postmaster P. (Anthony Montgomery), Stray Bullet (Rashaan Nall), and Butch (Red Grant). Butch lays down all kinds of beats and is accused of being stupid and a virgin. Apparently, if you don’t have sex and you’re a young African American whippersnapper, everyone in your community will know about it. And that’s a damn fact. These guys destroyed their sound equipment because Butch and his ingenious thoughts told him to create a chemical factory on his turntables. Nice one there Mutumbo. In desperate need of cash to fulfill their dreams of rap stardom that will begin in Las Vegas, these three go out to case a joint.

That bat... came from his fro...

And who do they decide to knock over? Ice T, A.K.A., Mack Daddy O’Nassas. In an earlier scrape with the Leprechaun (Warwick Davis), O’Nassas found himself toe-to-toe with someone who could never truly play basketball. An Earl Boykins, if you will. With dope rhymes and insane powers to force your hands to drop any weapon, it seemed as if Ice T was doomed. And then, after going through a gun, knife, and mini baseball bat all stored in his afro, Ice T caught his break. A necklace that encases the Leprechaun in stone is launched onto his neck. Leaving him free to make his jive-ass famous, Ice T makes himself a rap mogul with his own recording label.

Davis hittin' that hard blunt.

Many years pass and the three young punks from the bad part of town show up and promote their fresh new look at rap. The positivity that comes with good thoughts and working together. But, in what I can only describe as ridiculousness, Ice T denies this positive turn on rap and says, “We have to rap about capping our homies in the face and smackin’ up a bitch and hoe.” As much as I do that in my daily life, what’s so wrong rapping positively? It may stop a bit of violence here or there. Some special commentary right there.

So the dope trio unleashes the beast and a wild goose chase ensues. O’Nassas is after their black asses (Geez, can I rap?) and the Leprechaun is hot on their tails like Southern Fried Molasses. Word. Can’t get enough? There’s more.

The Leprechaun's zombie hoes.

These three try to con some whack black pawn dealer named Jackie Dee (Dan Martin). This guy loves his biatches and that becomes the end of him. Any person these guys interact with have to bite the bullet. Even poor old Mr. Chang (throw some Asian racism in there for good measure). Postmaster’s blind mamma gets roped in and the best scene! The Leprechaun gets jiggy with a tranny. And bangs him/her to death? I think?!? It’s all kinds of insanity. And Butch wanted some of that beefcake…

Yes. The lines.

AND THE LINES. Oh, the lines. Every limerick spewed from Warwick Davis’s mouth is pure genius. Here’s a little taste/ad lib. Come here my sweet lass, sit on my lap. Let me look at you, before I give your sweet ass a tap. That made me lose it right there. I give props to Warwick Davis. For someone who went into this movie knowing he’d be hitting some fat blunts, rollin’ hard on some sad-ass thugs, and banging some strange hoes, he stone faced it like a champ. Even Ice T, strange actor and angry man that he is, must have known this could have been a career breaker if it hadn’t been pulled off comedically enough.

So all hell breaks loose, Leprechaun raises some beat ass zombie sluts from the beyond, and two masculine black gangsters dress up in drag, and somehow fool the Leprechaun into thinking they’re bangable. What new devilry is this? If it wasn’t for my open-mindedness and appreciation for all forms of macabre comedy and outrageously sick minded view on what is funny, I don’t know if I would even consider this a movie. But I do. And I will. The Leprechaun gets his in the end and his flute to control minds is restored. He even gets his own little rap in. With an ending to the Leprechaun series with number 5, this movie effectively killed off this mean little green baddie. But he went out with a strap and bang, all gangster like. So…. wasssgood?

Best. Pose. Ever.

I know this movie is bad. But for comedy I give it a 6.3 out of 10. Overall, 3.5 out of 10. But I’m biased. so watch it for yourself and post a comment on how badly you thought it was, or how racist my blog was. It’s all good in the hood.

AND GET THIS. There’s a second Leprechaun in the Hood movie! I’ll be back after I check this one out as well.