Snow White and the Hunstman

I’m pretty sure I saw this movie in its last leg of showings in theaters. I had wanted to see it for a while (bar people hating on it for having Kristen Stewart) and was happy to finally see it. My overall impression was good of the film, but for different reasons other than the typical for liking a movie. But I’ll get to that in a second. On an average Friday, in an average theater, among other couples who seemed they wanted to do nothing

Ah yes, a Twilight reference.

more than make out for $10.50 at a poor film, I watched Snow White and the Huntsman.

The story is a bit different than your average Disney movie. Based more on the darker version of events from the Grimm Bros., this movie attempts to scare more than romanticize. I think that’s why people had a problem with the plot because they were expecting this all too romantic kissing scene, and they didn’t get it because that’s not what this movie was about. A strong female character is created to battle an even stronger female character, not really making it about the Huntsman at all (a character

Lookin’ pretty fierce there, Thor.

I developed a liking for from Rutger Hauer’s surprisingly good performance of it in The Tenth Kingdom). And for those of you out there who labeled this a Twilight-like movie from the start, you were wrong. Just because Kristen Stewart is in a film does not mean it has anything to do with Twilight. Shame on you.

So, plot. (As if there were those of you out there who didn’t have a semblance of Snow White.) So one day Snow White’s mom has a little inkling to go out in the garden when it’s snowing. Pricks her finger, 3 drops of blood, bam! You have a baby and a dead mother during

Maybe if I scream they’ll appreciate my performance…

childbirth. King Magnus (Noah Huntley, I thought I recognized him from 28 Days Later…) raises her and loves Snow White to no end. Then, after a cinematically striking 2 minute fight, Magnus finds his new Queen, Ravenna (Charlize Theron). Snow White (Stewart) grows up to be sooooo beautiful that the Evil Queen can’t stand it. Wanting to eat her heart for immortality (remember this is a fairy tale, you adults out there), Snow White escapes and the Queen sends the Huntsman (Chris Hemsworth) after her. Let the pursuit begin.

Oh, the wonderful textures…

The casting in this movie was really hit or miss. Kristen Stewart did what little job she could to hold the lead role together, putting on a weak English accent. I can’t blame her when other lesser known actresses were up for the part and they weren’t given it. Sadly, that’s what happens when you’re popular, you steal all the roles. Charlize Theron thought screaming for no reason at certain points would get her acting across more powerfully. That childlike antic won’t get you far, I’m afraid. She was constantly trying to create this Shakespearean demon witch that just came across as weak and sad. Chris Hemsworth was as macho and boring as usual (sorry Thor, but if you are in every movie with a cleaving/hammering device of some sort, you’re typecast. Just like Orlando Bloom as Legolas. Has anyone seen the archery scene in the Musketeers remake?) as the Hunstman. Sorry, that was a long side note. Okay, let’s go through the list of people they chose before they decided on Hemsworth.

A Viggo Mortensen stand in? Perfect!

Tom Hardy. I can see him in the role after the trailers from the new Batman movie. Not a huge fan (he has the Christopher Nolan brand all over his ass. Of course he’s gonna get work…) but he would’ve done the job. Johnny Depp. Never appropriate for an action role. He did well in the POTC movies, but what the Hell kind of offer is that? As Daniel Tosh said, “Cool should have a cutoff, and my vote is 48.” Sorry John Depp, you’re out. Then there was Viggo Mortensen. Now there’s a fantasy actor. The quintessential Aragorn. He has been looking for a reason to come back to fantasy/action films, I’m sure. But he turned it down as well. Maybe the age difference when it comes to Stewart? Who knows… Hugh Jackman. The last one asked before Thor. Wolverine? Sure, he’s pretty ballin. But he declined as well. So, after all these turn downs, the studio turned to a man who’s good with hammer like objects. Great goin’ there, Chris Hemsworth.

But there is a silver lining to this movie. The dwarven cast. The second I saw who they cast as the Seven Dwarves, I was in Heaven. You couldn’t pick a more perfect English cast to play all 7! You got Bob Hoskins leading the group. Elderly and

Mayhem while you work.

blind, he’s good no matter if he’s Smee or Roger Rabbit’s partner. Ian McShane, the Deadwood master. I was surprised he was pretty damn good. Johnny Harris from Black Death. Word. Toby Jones, the infamous voice of Dobby the House Elf. I’d rather remember him from other roles, but he was great as well. Eddie Marsan, another great English actor. I like his smaller roles in V for Vendetta and The Illusionist. People will know him from Sherlock Holmes. Ray Winstone, the gruff talking Mr. French from The Departed. Now he’s a good actor. And Nick Frost of the Pegg/Frost duo. Need I say more? And I’d also like to give a little nod to Brian (pronounced Breen) Gleeson. He’s an up and coming English actor who actually made me shed a tear in this one. Wow, that paragraph was a mouthful of excited English actors.

I like touching silky things.

And now I come to my main point of why I liked this movie. It was pretty to look at. Every scene had some special effect or interesting texture that I wish I could’ve reached out and touched in the film. As it is Rupert Sanders first film, it is understandable that it looks this way. He started off as a English commercial director. He has to sell a product based on look. That’s why this movie is so visually appealing. The fur, the white paint you see in the film, the forest scenes, everything looks so good you could eat it in Willy Wonka’s candy room. And that’s something you don’t always see in every movie. So a bit of a bravo for that.

So you may not be able to see this movie in theaters now, but check it out when it gets its DVD/Blu-Ray release in September of 2012. It was an enjoyable watch for the sights and sounds, but always remember that can only take you so far in a film. 6.4 out of 10.

Get some of that troll…

The Legend of Awesomest Maximus

So I happened to catch this National Lampoon flick on Comedy Central and tuned in and out during the film. I found some parts funny and really wanted to catch the whole, uninterrupted, uncensored movie all at once. And let me just tell you why the idea to watch this C-rated comedy even crossed my mind. Me and my friends are big fans of spoof movies. We are just as big of fans of 300 and Troy. So I had to check this movie out. Why? It combines a plot that makes fun of BOTH.

Now the events are slightly jumbled and there’s not necessarily a dividing line between what parts are making fun of

I gotta say, Orlando was quite the hilarious character in this film.

which movies, but here’s the gist. Awesomest Maximus (Will Sasso, making fun of a bumbling Leonidas from 300) is also a married member of the House of Troy. (A little Troy for you there.) With their incredible strength pitted against the strength of Greece and their King Erotic (Khary Payton, spoofing on Xerces. Little tid bit, Khary Payton does voices and in fact does the voice for Cyborg of Teen Titans.) King Erotic’s best warrior Testiclees (Ian Ziering spoofing on Achilles) in search of fame and glory, battles anyone in his way. And the Troy King’s (Rip Torn) son, Orlando (Gary Lundy spoofing on Paris, played by Orlando Bloom, ironically) is gay.

Workaholics is my shizzzzz.

So what happens? Well, if you’ve seen Troy, then you may know. Awesomest and Orlando travel to Greece to make peace with King Erotic and, in doing so,  Orlando, although gayer than every Broadway musical ever made, steals the King’s wife Hottessa (Kristanna Loken spoofing on Helen), and they escape to Troy. With the ensuing battles and scenes of pure raunchy comedy, elements of Troy, 300, and even Gladiator are interspersed. What’s great about this is that these scenes touch on the funniest and cheesiest parts of Troy and 300 and make quite the mockery of them. I rather enjoyed it and found it to be quite the watch.

There was nothing really remarkable about the movie, because, as expected, it was a low budget

Thank you Will Sasso for a comedic spoof of Gladiator proportions.

nude/sex joke/raunchy romp film. I mean, come on, there are boat scenes with absolutely nothing but the bare minimum and blue painted backgrounds. But that’s not the point of the film. And although this movie may take many parts that were already spoofed in Meet the Spartans, they take a slightly different approach on those scenes. Without the big budget and the ability to show breasts, this movie takes sex jokes to the extreme. Include the Workaholics cast and Tony Cox, the black midget, and you have a comedy spoof worth at least one watch. So check it out. 5.2 out of 10, purely for spoof power.

 

Gnomeo & Juliet

This cute little film filled with British actors takes a new look at the story of Romeo and Juliet and uses a British topic of interest. Garden gnomes. (Not sure if a lo of Brits have these, but it’d be interesting to see some U.K. gardens.) I watched this with my mom (U.K. T.V. analyst and fellow blogger) mostly for James McAvoy’s voice talents. We’re both fans, but for slightly different reasons. (Not really though, he is pretty dreamy.) This tragic William Shakespeare story is turned on its head (as the poster suggests) with a cute plot device using warring gardens who happen to be owned by Miss Montague (Julie Walters, good old Mrs. Weasley) of the “Blue”burys and Mr. Capulet (Richard Wilson) of the “Red”bricks.

Set apart from typical Pixar and Dreamworks films, this film takes its own approach to animation in the 3-D. Although

McEvoy and Blunt as the disguised Gnomeo and Juliet

Touchstone and Miramax do good animated films, this British touch to the way things looked was refreshing, at the same time that it seemed a bit off in its sharpness and cutting edge-i-ness. But it’s all the same to me these days, what with all these mass amounts of animal infested, fantastical adventures films made for kids and adults in 3-D animation. (I would recommend Rio though, it was quite a cast and story.) But the story stands out in comparison to the lack of pizzazz in the animation, and gave it some credibility.

Warring gardens with love in the mix.

So as expected, the story follows quite closely to the original Romeo and Juliet plot line. (Less death unfortunately.) The warring families led by Lord Rebrick (Michael Caine) who’s Juliet’s (Emily Blunt) father and Lady Bluebury (Maggie Smith) who’s Gnomeo’s (James McAvoy) mother despise each other for reasons that seem a bit hazy. The real test between the families is whose garden is superior. One night, in order to impress her father, Juliet sneaks out of the garden in order to retrieve a beautiful flower to spruce up the garden. Surprise, surprise, Gnomeo sneaks out as well for some mischief. The two cross paths, sparks fly, and their love is forever fated.

But oh the problems that ensue. One’s red and the other’s blue! What will they do? Their love is forbidden and they may only meet in secrecy. And there must be some conflict that arises when their love is discovered! And yes, there is. This version doesn’t disappoint and how could it? True British actors are tackling a fellow countryman’s play.

Now let’s talk about the cast. I was quite surprised at the acting chops associated with this film, and every last one a Brit! Of course there’s the two star-crossed

Sorry Jim Cummings you just missed the mark.

lovers, James McAvoy and Emily Blunt as Gnomeo and Juliet. Maggie Smith and Michael Caine lend their voices to their parents as some veterans of the BBC business. Also, and more unexpectedly, Jason Statham is featured in this film as Tybalt the red menace of the Montague house. I was really surprised to discover this after a few Transporter lines were delivered. I just can’t seem to grip the idea that Jason Statham is British! Matt Lucas, the good old Little Britains sketch comedy genius of the hairless kind lends a generically comedic voice to Benny, Gnomeo’s number 2. Even Patrick Stewart (Will Shakes himself) and OZZY OSBOURNE himself lends his voice to this film, as a ceramic fawn!

Thanks to this British cast for the cute film!

The only miss in this film is Jim Cummings as the pink flamingo garden ornament. His annoying attempt at some sort of foreign bird just loses it for me, because, to put it bluntly, didn’t deliver a funny line. This is quite disappointing as Jim Cummings has been in the Disney voice business since the early 90’s.

But all in all, this cute film about what our gardens hold delivers a nice little escape from reality for 75 minutes. With the occasional grown up joke and slapstick comedy, mixed with witty uses of the gnomes and what they’d be like if they could move (Toy Story style), this movie delivers a bit of entertainment worth a watch if you’re into British accents or children’s love/comedy/adventure films. 6 out of 10.

AND DID I MENTION THAT THE FILMED IS FUELED BY A ELTON JOHN SCORE AND SOUNDTRACK?!?!?

Aquarion/Genesis of Aquarion: Bad Plot/Characters, Yet Redeemable… Sort of

I watched this Anime for Christopher Sabat, my favorite voice actor, and was surprised by what appeared to be a decent mecha anime.  But, unfortunately, it really wasn’t that good. And so I was a bit disappointed. And then I got through 21 episodes. It got better, and I was surprised again. This whole roller-coaster of surprise and disappointment left me with mixed feelings about this anime, but, in the end, it’s up for you to decide.

This show focuses around the struggle between the humans that are left on Earth and the Shadow Angels, a race of “angels” that wish to harvest all the humans on Earth to add to their power. But there are some humans who won’t stand for it. These humans are known as elementals who can control certain powers that make them a threat to the Shadow Angels. These humans use what is known as Aquarion, a mechanized battle suit that, when combined by 3 elementals, will create a Gundam-like battle suit that can effectively battle the Shadow Angels’ Cherubim monsters. As the plot unfolds, the DEAVA, the last defense of the humans, comes upon Apollo, (Chrisopher Bevins) also known as Solar Wing, the last hope of the human race. With his help, Aquarion battles countless enemies in a effort to stop the Shadow Angels and bring an end to the war.

There are a lot of good voice actors in this show. Brina Palencia plays Silvia, the royal, yet prissy psychokinetic elemental who is said to be the reincarnation of Celiane, Apollonius’ human lover. Erica Vale plays her brother Sirius, the wind sword expert and other suspected reincarnation of Solar Wing. Colleen Clinkenbeard plays Reika, the girl with the worst luck in the world. Laura Bailey and Todd Haberkorn play the techie nerds Tsugumi and Jun Lee. Brandon

LET ME MERGE!!! (Suggestive?)

Potter does a great job as the strange, yet master-status Gen Fudou. But most memorably, this show has Travis Willingham as the hispanic Pierre (at least I think he’s hispanic) the footballer with the foot of fire. His voice acting, though undermined by the sexual obsession episode, is quite good in comparison to the rest of the cast.

But this begs the question. Why, with an all-star cast of voice actors was this show so poorly voiced? I think this has something to do with the premise of most of the episodes of the show. As the first episode indicates, this show is strangely devised and the episodes drag as its one battle per episode after another. With this slow progression of the characters comes a strange way in which to develop each characters. Whether it be the concept of virginity or anorexia, this show contains all kinds of strange premises with which to relate the characters. The best episode though deals with Travis Willingham’s character mocking/cosplaying all the other characters. But it isn’t until the last 5/6 episodes that the story progresses and becomes rather good. And if you can get through that much, my hats off to you.

This mecha anime really dropped the ball. As some claimed it was a mecha that really didn’t make a name for itself. It wasn’t unique and it wasn’t really anything special in its scope. Some of the animation itself was good, but overall the anime left me with a feeling of something to be desired. (It ended a lot like Xam’d.) But all-in-all, this was just a generic show. With sexualized merging/transformation sequences. I won’t even get into that. But yeah, 4.7 out of 10.

But really, what is this?