Child’s Play: The Movie that has Haunted My Dreams

Frightening as always.

Chucky and the Child’s Play series has haunted my dreams ever since I was 8 years old. And, watching this movie again, it still sent chills down my spine. Leave it to movies of years past to make me want to piss myself when newer films today with all their special effects can’t do crap. What a cruel world. For those of you who don’t know, Child’s play is the story of a young boy who just wants a doll for a friend. Lo and behold, his mother comes through and finds him just the doll he wants. And he’ll regret that decision for the next two movies.

So the movie starts out like this. Old Wormtongue AKA Charles Lee Ray (Brad Dourif) is running from his ultimate

Say hello, Andy.

nemesis cop, Prince Humperdink AKA Detective Mike Norris (Chris Sarandon). The final face-off takes place in a toy store in some bad part of town and Chucky takes his voodoo training and places his soul in the body of a doll until he can later reclaim his life. And, a few weeks after, we find little Andy (Alex Vincent) watching his favorite cartoon, the Good Guy dolls. Pleading with his mother who busts tooth and nail to scrape through life for her son, Mrs. Barclay (Catherine Hicks) finds one from a sketchy drifter and his cart of goodies.

The events of the movie are amazingly supplemented by a big buildup to the point where you finally see Chucky’s true face. What I found more frightening was Chucky imitating the Good Guy doll he is inhabiting. “Hi I’m Chucky, wanna play?” in that sing-song voice of a demonic child haunts my dreams frequently. His eyes opening and closing reminds me of why I fear the technology known as animatronics. (Forget ever going on the

I can feel the poop in the pants already…

It’s a Small World After All ride ever again.) His blinks and innocent movements feign away from the evil animatronic face that hides beneath the facade. But when Catherine Hicks, mother of 7th Heaven swears her head off, you can bet Brad Dourif won’t let that bitch talk to him that way.

The movie turns into a wild goose chase of little Andy accompanying Chucky around the beaten streets of Chicago in search of a way to return to a human form. When it’s revealed that the worst must be done, it all comes crashing down for Andy. It’s a race against the clock for Mrs Barclay and Detective Norris

Your fate is sealed, in 7th Heaven, Catherine Hicks.

when they learn that Andy wasn’t lying, ever. As the tagline says, “You’ll Wish it was Only Make-Believe”, I’ve wished that for so long.

And not to mention the doll that Chucky is based on. Don Mancini must have drawn on some evil inspiration that graced his mind when he found Robert the Doll. Considered one of the evilest dolls on the face of the North American continent, Robert the Doll haunted Key West painter Robert Eugene Otto for his entire life. Talking to it and finding himself scared to death, Otto never left Robert’s side. Attempting to kill and curse anyone around him and even moving on his own, Robert the Doll to this day, being his old 104 year old self, will change his face to a mortifying, contortion of a grin. I was impressed with Tom Holland, slasher director extraordinaire, use of P.O.V. and a creepy sense of crawling around on the floor. The use of doll doubles mixed with actual animatronics has frightened me and will continue to do so as long as dolls exist in this world.

With this success this cult horror classic has created, there’s no wonder there are another 4 films after this one, and talk of a remake. Brad Dourif does a wonderful job of giving off a gruff thuggish voice and continues to do so. This movie went above and beyond the PG-13 rating and decided some F-bombs would be appropriate to show the extent of Chucky’s evil. This movie may be one of those B-rated horror films, but it broke ground for a kind of horror that freaks a lot of people out, dummies and dolls. If it frightens you, it’s done its job. And Child’s Play sure does that for me. Just for the poop in the pants, 7.4 out of 10.

And here’s the original trailer to set your bones on ice.

Leprechaun 5: In The Hood

I’m about to possibly sound racist from the very beginning of this blog post, but I found Leprechaun 5: In the Hood to be hilarious. I know its marketed as a horror comedy, but they should have more clearly defined it as a black horror comedy for black people. Or maybe more to the point that its a comedy that sensationalizes the thug life of black people in the 90’s. I really don’t know how to classify this movie myself. Let’s just get on with it…

This is a movie all about how three rappers got their lives turned upside down. They got in a fight with a leprechaun and their blind moms wasn’t spared. There’s a flute and some crazy ass-lines without care. There, rap schpeel over.  This movie attacks the African American street community from all angles. It is absolutely absurd. It doesn’t care what stereotypes it digs up. It makes stereotypes out of thin air. Who knew every damn black person who

Three posers.

picks up a flute can play a little diddy? I didn’t! And know I do! And the more you know the more you grow and that’s half the battle!

So this movie starts out with three true O.G.’s (original gangsters for the layperson) named Postmaster P. (Anthony Montgomery), Stray Bullet (Rashaan Nall), and Butch (Red Grant). Butch lays down all kinds of beats and is accused of being stupid and a virgin. Apparently, if you don’t have sex and you’re a young African American whippersnapper, everyone in your community will know about it. And that’s a damn fact. These guys destroyed their sound equipment because Butch and his ingenious thoughts told him to create a chemical factory on his turntables. Nice one there Mutumbo. In desperate need of cash to fulfill their dreams of rap stardom that will begin in Las Vegas, these three go out to case a joint.

That bat... came from his fro...

And who do they decide to knock over? Ice T, A.K.A., Mack Daddy O’Nassas. In an earlier scrape with the Leprechaun (Warwick Davis), O’Nassas found himself toe-to-toe with someone who could never truly play basketball. An Earl Boykins, if you will. With dope rhymes and insane powers to force your hands to drop any weapon, it seemed as if Ice T was doomed. And then, after going through a gun, knife, and mini baseball bat all stored in his afro, Ice T caught his break. A necklace that encases the Leprechaun in stone is launched onto his neck. Leaving him free to make his jive-ass famous, Ice T makes himself a rap mogul with his own recording label.

Davis hittin' that hard blunt.

Many years pass and the three young punks from the bad part of town show up and promote their fresh new look at rap. The positivity that comes with good thoughts and working together. But, in what I can only describe as ridiculousness, Ice T denies this positive turn on rap and says, “We have to rap about capping our homies in the face and smackin’ up a bitch and hoe.” As much as I do that in my daily life, what’s so wrong rapping positively? It may stop a bit of violence here or there. Some special commentary right there.

So the dope trio unleashes the beast and a wild goose chase ensues. O’Nassas is after their black asses (Geez, can I rap?) and the Leprechaun is hot on their tails like Southern Fried Molasses. Word. Can’t get enough? There’s more.

The Leprechaun's zombie hoes.

These three try to con some whack black pawn dealer named Jackie Dee (Dan Martin). This guy loves his biatches and that becomes the end of him. Any person these guys interact with have to bite the bullet. Even poor old Mr. Chang (throw some Asian racism in there for good measure). Postmaster’s blind mamma gets roped in and the best scene! The Leprechaun gets jiggy with a tranny. And bangs him/her to death? I think?!? It’s all kinds of insanity. And Butch wanted some of that beefcake…

Yes. The lines.

AND THE LINES. Oh, the lines. Every limerick spewed from Warwick Davis’s mouth is pure genius. Here’s a little taste/ad lib. Come here my sweet lass, sit on my lap. Let me look at you, before I give your sweet ass a tap. That made me lose it right there. I give props to Warwick Davis. For someone who went into this movie knowing he’d be hitting some fat blunts, rollin’ hard on some sad-ass thugs, and banging some strange hoes, he stone faced it like a champ. Even Ice T, strange actor and angry man that he is, must have known this could have been a career breaker if it hadn’t been pulled off comedically enough.

So all hell breaks loose, Leprechaun raises some beat ass zombie sluts from the beyond, and two masculine black gangsters dress up in drag, and somehow fool the Leprechaun into thinking they’re bangable. What new devilry is this? If it wasn’t for my open-mindedness and appreciation for all forms of macabre comedy and outrageously sick minded view on what is funny, I don’t know if I would even consider this a movie. But I do. And I will. The Leprechaun gets his in the end and his flute to control minds is restored. He even gets his own little rap in. With an ending to the Leprechaun series with number 5, this movie effectively killed off this mean little green baddie. But he went out with a strap and bang, all gangster like. So…. wasssgood?

Best. Pose. Ever.

I know this movie is bad. But for comedy I give it a 6.3 out of 10. Overall, 3.5 out of 10. But I’m biased. so watch it for yourself and post a comment on how badly you thought it was, or how racist my blog was. It’s all good in the hood.

AND GET THIS. There’s a second Leprechaun in the Hood movie! I’ll be back after I check this one out as well.