The Good Son: Home Alone Meets Frodo Baggins

If I had to consider this movie anything, I would consider it the precursor (or inspiration) for Orphan. It has that same feel of mentally disturbed children and always that one person who’s never believed by anyone. You bring together two ridiculously good child star actors and you have to expect some sparks to fly on camera. At times

Evil has a face. Kevin McCallister.

you even feel like they’re competing for who’s a better child actor. But at some point, this movie falls flat.

So we begin with Mark (Elijah Wood). His mother has died and he’s taking it pretty hard. His dad (David Morse) has one last business venture to undertake, and then he and Mark will be set for the rest of their lives. In two weeks they can be together again. But not before Mark stays with his dad’s brother. Susan (Wendy Crewson) and Wallace (Daniel Hugh Kelly) are nice parents and all with two wonderful children. Henry (Macaulay Culkin) and Connie (Quinn Kay Culkin) are nice little children. But Henry seems to have a mature and sadistic mean streak in him. And he only shows it to Mark. So it’s up to Mark to prove to Henry’s parents that they are in danger. But Henry’s parents won’t believe him.

Hey Mark, don’t f@$%k with me.” Best. Line. Ever.

This movie has all the same plot points as Orphan. Treehouse, snowy winter home, a baby lost, and add to all that a sadistic child. I wouldn’t be surprised if there were copyright infringement on this at all. But what Oprhan did better than The Good Son is it didn’t have such a ridiculously unbelievable and evil ending. When you see it, you’ll know. That just ruined the entire movie for me. And Roger Ebert can settle down. “No kids should ever see this movie”. Yeah, you’re right, that’s why it’s rated R, stupid.

So set aside the bad ending and the uncomfortable scenes of evilness.

If we hide here Sam, Macaulay Culkin can’t find us.

What are you left with? A pretty decent cast, and two child stars that go on to do some great things (I’m hinting at LOTR and Party Monster). Three of the Culkins are featured in this movie, and that ain’t half bad either. There’s really not much else to say, you might just have to check it out for yourself. As far as 90’s movies go, this one is pretty down there. It may be a laugh at times, even. But don’t be expecting anything grand from The Good Son. 5.6 out of 10.

Dance Moms: My Only Reality T.V. Obsession

I have to admit here at the very beginning that I, for some strange reason that has sucked me into it, love Dance Moms. I can’t get enough of the fighting, the drama, and all the strange and delirious opinions that Abby Lee holds inside of her enormously inflated head. I’ve watched every episode, enjoyed the dance segments (as small as they are) and analyzed them with my long time dancing girlfriend and before mentioned, Kim. We had caught an episode or two in the past and I had tuned in and out with my mom and sister to see what all the fuss was about.

At first, I hated the crap out of it. I found it to be degrading, conflict infested, and just downright train wreck level television. I thought there could be no way this would ever catch on. Something I still don’t understand is why any of those upset women wouldn’t just stage a walkout and tell everyone not to go to

The wonderful children of Dance Moms:
Nia, Paige, Chloe, Maddie, and Kendall. (There are more)

Abby Lee’s Dance Company. If they all did, she loses business and gains a reputation as a terrible woman. That’s something this show has done for her, but that’s besides the point. She should realize even she’s replaceable. Three girls on the show have shown that so far. But this show has caught on, and its won my heart.

The beast rears its ugly head!

Should I even divulge any of the premise of this show to those of you who unfortunately happen to come across this blog in my post? Let’s see…. Well, the show starts off with the degrading pyramid. Although most of the girls at some point made it to the top, Maddie erroneously held the top for far too long. I don’t want to degrade any of the girls because they are all wonderful little people. But Maddie (the “star” of the show) has to realize that saying arrogant things on camera and crying when you don’t win are things you learn when your mother tells you not to cry in the meanest tone and you always win. Anyways, this whole post is gonna be one long rant.

Next comes a confrontation between one of the moms and Abby Lee or another mom. They train, for 5 days it always seems, and then comes the competition. In between that comes some of the most

The guns, one of Abby’s questionable decisions.

incredulous backstabbing, loud and obnoxious drinking, and one of the most refined, well spoken, and intelligent women I’ve seen on T.V. Nia’s mother, Holly. For that show, Holly is a godsend. She is a rock among the turbulent tides that is the other Dance Moms. And her daughter, although not treated as well as the other girls because she struggles to keep up, still wins when she is given the chance and helps the group win. She wouldn’t be included if she didn’t have the potential and the talent.

All too common in Dance Moms…

Then the competition comes. Maddie (or Chloe) wins and the group comes in 3rd to 1st. And if they don’t, it’s the girls’ faults, not Abby Lee’s. Watch some of these episodes. Marvel and wonder at how she never blames herself, knowing we are all humans and people make mistakes. Every episode, this woman makes mistakes. She is just such a ridiculous woman, I am awestruck at every turn and utter from her croaky voice (what speech problem does this woman have? Or does she just yell all the time because she’s so unhappy with everything?) and the morbidly obese body that at one point performed dances. She has her extreme faults and her struggles with her “nemesis” Cathy from Candy Apples in my home state of Ohio, which is somehow stupidly depicted as farm country. She lives in Canton, a suburban/city town next to Akron. Get your stuff right Lifetime.

There’s a final confrontation, sometimes between moms and who should have won, and then the show ends with the best cliff hangers I’ve ever seen provided from a show. That’s where I’d give the Bravo! Bravo! Encore! Encore! in this. And that’s it. Take that formula and repeat 13 times each season. And then what?!?!? Abby Lee gets put in her place and leaves on hiatus? This is perfect. If I, at any point in this show, could have sat Abby Lee down and shown her every time she was wrong or a Hitler himself in this show, she probably wouldn’t change, but I’d feel better. That woman needs to learn.

And she will never learn. These wonderful children will never know a more enjoyable dance experience. These moms (the few who just don’t understand) will

The best episode of all time. This is all that needs be shown.

never learn. And the cycle will continue. And I will continue to watch. I can’t get enough of this car accident dance television. And it’s not that the show, from a filmmaking standpoint is any good. Who knows if it’s scripted. But, in the end, the show is only good for human’s sick addiction to reality crap television. As much as I’ll fight it, this will be around for a while. God save us all. Overall, this show gets a 3.5 out of 10. May good things always be on these girls, and karma prepare a slap for everyone else. Me as well.